Self Doubt

One minute I’m proud of myself the next am not, my head is filled with thoughts that I ain’t good enough. I get constant praises of how am doing great but how come I don’t see that shit, or maybe I’m just an ingrate.
I woke up this morning, that’s something to be thankful about I ain’t missing no meals its something to grateful for. I always compare myself to the people before me and I always wonder if I will ever be greater than them. One of my biggest fears is forever remaining in my mothers shadow’s another is I’ll do better than she ever did. I look at the life she lived and how great it was she was imperfect and filled with flaws but her flaws made her the perfect mother, daughter, sister ,friend and role model she was.
Everytime I wonder if I’ll ever be good enough, good enough to do everything I set out for myself to do. Time to time I wonder if  my mother would ever be proud of me and then i think what would make her proud? And all I could come up with just you’ll never good enough. I’m my own biggest critic, I never feel satisfied, I always want more and my hunger for more has sometimes let me down but what would a success story be without mistakes and what a fulfilled life be without regrets. So I suck it up and shut the fuck up, I get back to working hard and hoping to soon see results, I lay my head down in prayer hoping one my mother will be proud of me, I sit and believe one day I’ll be satisfied.


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