Where Is My Sunshine?

I will never again
see your smiling face.
I will never again
feel your warm embrace.

I cry everyday
Wishing you’d come back.
Life just isn’t the same
With the Mother I lack.

“I miss you mom,
Where have you gone?”
My days alone,
Just seem to long

I Scream and yell in anger
Wondering why you’re not here
I scream and yell in Sadness
Wishing you were near..

Somedays I feel
I can’t handle the Pain
Somedays I cry knowing
That I’ll never see your face again.

I looked up to the sky
and screamed ””Why Lord! Why!”
and as I fell to the ground
all I could do is cry..

Maybe God put you there
for a reason.
Maybe so I can see you
In every Season

Maybe Life Isn’t so bad
with you gone.
Maybe you’ve been
With Me all Along

I miss you mom,
Where have you gone?
My days alone, are still to long..

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No More Hiding.

It took a while but I’ve finally come to terms with it, I can’t deny it anymore, I can’t runaway from it anymore, I’ve gotta own up to it, no more lies and no more excuses, I have a problem and its one that I can’t control.

I get the strangest joys from the sight of blade, I get even more excited when I cut through my hands on some days just for the fun of it I wanna cut so deep just to feel a much longer time of hurt.

For so long I avoided dealing with this but I can’t run away from it anymore, it wont get the best of me. I’m tired of acting like I’m happy and everything is okay, I’m tired of acting Im not hurt by the things that go on around me, I’m tired of acting like actions of the opposite sex and family don’t hurt me.

My thought process has been I brought this on myself and then I beat myself up, and cut myself just so I can believe I’m bring myself all the hurt but I’m tired of doing that. I promise myself never to inflict physical pain on myself to cover up the emotional pain.

To everyone that has ever hurt me I say a big thank you because if not I won’t realize I had a problem or how much of walking dead I was. I’m tired of going out in public and acting like all is well, when I know deep inside I wanna break down and cry. The demons in my head are beginning to hunt me and my mind is going crazy, crazy and feeling extremely overwhelmed but this is just me venting to get things off my chest. Many more words will come soon I’m sure.

Dear Mum,

I awake each morning to start a new day
But the pain of loosing you never goes away.
I go about the things I have to do
And as the hours pass I think again of you.
I want to call you and just hear your voice
Then I remember that I have no choice
For you are not there and now my heart cries
Just to see you again to tell you goodbye
To say Mama I love you and I always will
And hope that much of you, in me you’ve instilled.
The day that you left I just didn’t know
That you were going where I couldn’t go.
And now all my memories of you are so dear
But gosh, how I miss you and wish you were here.
Who now can hear me when I need to cry?
It so hard to tell you “Mama goodbye.”
Someday I know all will be well
And I’ll see you again with stories to tell
Of how you were missed and how we have grown
And how good it is to finally be home.
Until then my memories of you I’ll keep near
And I’ll pass them on to those who are dear.
I miss you Mama, 

Love, Yemi

The Lords’ presence all around.

The clouds break forth the streams of light
To dance upon the earth,
And cradled in the sands of time,
Comes a newborn babies” birth.
A gentle breeze blows through the night,
It whispers through the grass,
And ripples on the water form
As rain glistens on the glass.

And you listen to the sound,
The Lords’ presence all around.
He summons us to go
Where peaceful waters flow.

A rainbow arcs across the sky,
A promise is displayed.
The graceful flight of a butterfly,
It takes my breath away.
The autumn leaves in their splendor
Fall gracefully to the earth,
And stars proclaim their song at night,
What is their beauty worth?

And you listen to the sound,
The Lords’ presence all around.
He summons us to go
Where peaceful waters flow.

When your heart is broken, You are My Token

Even hearing your name makes my knees weak
It takes me to a place I can’t even describe
I know that we have been friends
But is it wrong that I want to be more?
Seeing the places that we could explore
Together, Forever is how I want it to be
Just you and me

I know we have been through a lot
Tried to untangle every knot
But is it possible that you love me?
Can everyone see the couple I want us to be?
Dreaming every night of us being together.
Through every type of weather.

I love when it rains because I can sit outside
Thinking about being by your side
When your heart is broken
You are My Token
I will always be right here
For you
Beside you
With you

Dad, I’m Sorry !!!

Dear Father,
I’m sorry I disappointed you
I’m sorry I made you so mad
I’m sorry I wasn’t a great son
I’m sorry you were a horrible dad
I’m sorry I let you break me
I’m sorry I walked away
I’m sorry I couldn’t take it
I’m sorry is all that I can say
I’m sorry you where always to busy
I’m sorry I pushed you out of my life
I’m sorry I wasn’t important as your new ex wife and her kids
I’m sorry you always made up lies
I’m sorry I hated you
I’m sorry you never cared
I’m sorry I cut your name in my wrist
I’m sorry I acted like I wasn’t pissed
I’m sorry I wasn’t your favorite kid
I’m sorry for all of this
I’m sorry I’m acting just like you
I’m sorry for all the things you put me through
I’m sorry I went to the hospital
I’m sorry you came to see me and I told you leave
I’m sorry I said you meant something when you didn’t
I’m sorry I was a fool
I’m sorry that my blood wasn’t enough to show you
I’m sorry that I tried so hard to be enough for you
I’m sorry I wasn’t perfect
I’m sorry I told you that you never where there
I’m sorry that your gone
I’m sorry that I spent my time to hold on
To a lost cause, because I knew you where never there
I’m sorry that this pain was to much for me to bear
I’m sorry I’m dead inside and you’ll never see
I’m sorry that all the things you put me through did this to me
Love your son, Yemi

From Me To Her

We were so in love that day,

You swept me off my feet leaving me with nothing to say.

No bad feelings to feel no hatred in my heart,

That day nothing could tear us apart.

There was no reason to feel loneliness or despair,

Because you were there I knew you cared.

When I’m with you all my problems disappear,

I can’t seem to think straight whenever you’re near.

I know I’m lucky to have you in my life,

To keep me from feeling pain or strife.

When I’m alone all I think about is you,

When I wake up in the morning or have nothing else to do.

You’re the last thing I think about at night,

And when I fall asleep I dream of holding you tight.

I love you so much I hope you see,

How much you really mean to me.

Nothing Makes Sense: Part 2

Lately, its been extremely hard for me to put my thoughts together, I find myself being upset for reasons I cant explain and happy for reasons I didn’t even know could excite me. I’ll put as have been emotionally unstable from trying to deal with my Personal as well as Professional problems but for some reason they all intertwine, like i try to wonder why they do because in the past that never happened but now its an everyday thing and its beginning to bother me alot.
For example, this past week on Wednesday I was a pretty good day until I got to work then an incident occurred and it messed up my whole mood which is quite unusual, then the day afterwards i had gotten into an argument with former friend and that messed up my work ethic which is something that had never occurred in the past. So I had to take time out and think to myself, what is going on ? And i realized all along the answer was right in front of me, i was simply overwhelmed. I realized that I’m trying to too many things at one time, like its impossible to do it all. Most especially when you’re trying to do it yourself like it doesn’t hurt to ask for help sometime or just take things nice and slow, because no man can do it all, no man has all the answers so it doesn’t hurt to ask for help.

How come now that i’ve come to realize that we all need help and I want the help, no one wants to anymore? I remember when everyone did offer a helping hand, I always said I was good, I guess they all believed so and walked away because “I was good”. Well the truth is i’m not good and if you look deep into my eyes I am crying for help, someone to take away my misery and help get rid of all the hurt, or maybe I just need some to get rid of my loneliness or maybe I don’t need anyone and I’m just caught up in the moment but I do know I need help, I need some kind of help. I just want to find a way because right now, NOTHING MAKES SENSE AT ALL.

Dear Black America,

Does anyone realize what they have done to us?
They have systematically done a great of separating the Black Community. They take the lives of black men and take us out of our homes by throwing us in Jail, they constantly sexualize African American females and also paint them as the national symbol for single mothers their by making it seem like a norm for the next generation of Young Black Women. They provide them with the adequate support making sure they have the, “I can do it all by myself mentality which leads Broken homes. This is what drives some black men to date women of other races; there by they are successful in splitting us up once again. They have found a way to make us hate each other by classifying “The Light Skin vs Dark Skin”. You think we elected a black president? NO, WE DIDN’T. He was handed to us so it will create more division and so we can be split into two based on the decisions he makes. Listen here people, we have to be wise, we have to stand together before we’re broken apart.

So Many Questions, Not So Many Answers

Love. Is that what I crave?

If it is, then why can’t I find it?

Hate. Does that mean anger?

If it does, then why do I feel hollow?

Pain. Does that mean suffering?

If it does, then why does it feel comforting?

Stress. Does that mean constant worrying?

If it does, why does my mind feel so peaceful?

Memories. Are they not images of the past?

If they are, why is there only shadows?

Smiles. Does that mean happiness?

If it does, then why does it hurt?

Life. What does it mean?

Should it mean any of these things?

If it doesn’t, then why are they there?