Struggling To Find Balance

I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. It’s like instead of me trying to move on with my life, I’m always trying to find a replacement for everything . Examples are finding a replacement for my old Job that I had way back in 2012-2013, for my mom who passed away and for my ex-girlfriend who’s moved on with her life.

The saddest part about all of this is while trying to find a replacement; I end up ruining myself and other good people that might have come along. Also, this is just more proof that I have yet to find myself.So I’m left asking myself, why do I have this need to be with someone else and why should I want to? Then I realized I have created a pattern for myself. Actually, not a pattern but a bad habit of throwing myself into relationships  and not giving myself a break in between. Most times it’s never serious but when it does reach that point, I have no idea of what to do or how to handle it.

I’ve been told the first step is admitting I have a problem but the issue is, how do I fix it? It’s always easier said then done. Ever since my mother passed, I’ve tried finding different ways to replace the void she left. I turned to alcohol and sex, but those things helped temporarily. I also began dating rapidly to take my mind off of everything, but now it has all backfired and I need to be by myself. I need to learn to be happy by myself, with myself and also understand that I don’t need sex or alcohol to make me feel better. I need to find what makes me happy, and instead of searching for who can make me happy, I need to be responsible for my own happiness.

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