The Let Down

It’s happening again I find myself breaking down, Drenched in tears and filled with rage and emotion but no one to talk,

I yell to the top of my voice because I don’t know what else to do,

Thoughts going back to old habits fill my brain,

What can I do to cure this pain?

My heart is aching, and my head is pounding, 

Ouch, I punched the feel to cure the rage but now I feel even more physical pain. 
I’m emotionally distraught, I’m mentally drained feeling like my world is derision. I could tell that I’ve fallen short of my expectations and feeling I haven’t done anything or won’t amount much. My confidence is all gone, and I know I’m lost at all odds.
I feel lost, I feel incomplete, 

How can this be, what has become of me? 

I find myself leaning on alcohol for self appreciation, 

No one around me knows because all they see is the show of a happy face I put on, 

When I look in the mirror, I see nothing but a sad soul filled with torment.

I am a season nearing autumn, I am a leaf who’s frayed by the wind,

I have had the worst of luck on life,

I dream of dreams that will never be felt, I am a failure, Constantly messing up.

Probably never going to succeed,      I feel Pointless to try anymore.    I’m over life as it is and find myself in this dark place,

I’ve always been totally incompetent and very miserable,

Time to exit the stage because nothing could be done

Time to quit.

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Happy Mother’s Day 

Not a day goes by without a thought of you.Most of the time they are happy thoughts,

Thoughts of how great things were, 

Thoughts of how I was once a happy child with a bright future,

Eventually all those joyous thoughts go away, and I fade into darkness,

You really are gone, you’re not here anymore,

I feel so alone, whenever this thought hits me,

My bestfriend is gone, so now I drown in my thoughts,

Slowly trying to move on without you mother,
Every moment I wish you were here,

Your love was selfless, your heart was warming no matter what.

You made me feel like I belong ,

You made me feel like I could do anything,

You were my source of my motivation and all that is now dust,

Do I still matter?, Will I ever be something?
I can’t help but wonder if you’re still around,

Do you see me breakdown and cry?

Do you hear my prayers?

Do you see me quiver in fear of me not amounting to anything? 

Are you proud of me?

Why won’t you answer my calls for you? 
I want you to show me sign that you’re here,

I’ve been waiting for an answer, but even though I get no reply I’ll keep trying.
I saw you in my dream the other day, but you never altered a word,

Is that the sign I needed all along that you’re still around, but I may never know I’ve realized.
The rest of the world celebrate mothers and spend time with theirs, I’m left dealing with tears all I can do is think of the memories we had, 

I’m happy glad we created those memories, you were more than a mother to me and I’m happy you birth me. 

Poems are stupid, Not!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you,
Scared of these feelings because it’s still new
I catch myself thinking of the best way to share,
Hoping you’ll return my confession showing you care
And then I catch myself again… and drag my thoughts back to reality
I am back at square one, does this just happen to me?

Poems are so stupid I swear I would never do this
But this is YOU, and you aren’t like anyone I have met
How much longer do I have to write, can I tell you yet?
When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure
But then I sleep… and the dreams of you occur

The dreams I have of you are so vivid and clear,
Dreams of you fighting with me against all odds stacked against me,
Dreams of you working with me to build a better me, honestly I can say
I feel TRUE happiness inside and that there is nothing to fear
People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them
I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear.

Just hear what I am about to say to you, feel it with my body, see it in my face,
Hear it in my words and tone when we converse, lay on my chest and feel my heartbeat to tune of your voice.