It is absolutely awesome being the life of the party and the most lit in the crew when you’re out, but once you’re back home it’s anti-depressants mixed with alcohol to numb the pain.
I’m perfectly fine walking around like my heart knows no pain, I’ve mastered the art of acting like everything is all good when at the back of my mind I’m panicking and filled with confusion and rage.
I’ve literally tried everything to make the pain go away, but one thing I’ve never owned up too is that my way of going about curing it is all wrong. Imagine not having water to drink but having several bottles of alcohol to drink.
I woke up this and I saw several messages of “we have to go drink together ” but none asking “are you okay”. I guess that’s what I get because of the image I put out there but only a few will understand I consistently drink and just do “dumb shit”. 
This is gone past drinking for fun, at this point I’m basically abusing alcohol. I have to admit how sad it is that once things are going bad my first thought is I need a drink, “like that has ever fixed anything”. 
I have to be real and honest with myself and I know I’m not the only one dealing with this issue. 

I have a problem and I need to face it, deal with it and fix it.


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