Shoutout to Prozac

Today makes it exactly 2 years that I’ve been anti-depressants, Man it hasn’t been easy because the side effects have been crazy but I’m elated that I started taking them but sadly I’m not right without them. I remember slashing myself with a blade about 3 years ago because I was so tired and wanted to end it all. I’m happy I met some amazing people who pushed to go get help and I must say ever since I started making my meds I’ve been feeling much better but mentally that process has been very difficult. There have been days I cried for about 6 hours and some days I’m so happy and filled with joy you’d think I was high. I remember telling some of my ‘friends &a family ‘that I was depressed and they’d try to convince me that it was all in my head, I almost believed but thanks to this lovely lady named Liz Sawyer, I forced myself to get help and boy I’m happy I did. I’m not close to where I want to be but I can say compared to this date 2 years ago I am much better, I am glad to be where I am right now and I can only hope I continue to make forward progress, it’s still a long ass road but I’m happy with where I am and extremely excited for what is ahead. 

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She was only 5′ foot somethin’ yet she intimidated me like a giant,

Her zaftig shape left me drooling,
I couldn’t let her walk away without saying a word, so I walk up and start up a conversation.

Her voice was so blissful, and soothing,
I could argue with you that it has magical powers,
Her smile was so precious, and your presence was overwhelmingly gracious.

As I sparked up a conversation I couldn’t but notice her beautiful big eyes, they pierced through my soul and made me smile hard.
My heart skipped a beat with every word she uttered.

I spoke to her in most pleasant and melancholy tone, simply because her voice played a new sound in my ear. Her lips looks so soft and I immediately wanted a kiss.

We spoke for a bit and she told me she sang,
I wasn’t surprised because I was sure she was an angel in disguise. A woman like her is impossible to come by, a woman like her you never forget.

When I met her, I felt like I had discovered a new song and it would be something I won’t mind jamming too for a long time. And in that moment I know I had met a queen, that moment my eyes opened again.

Stranger 

There’s this girl I’ve never met,It’s very hard to explain.

I don’t really even know her,

But I do think about her quite often.
I’ve never even heard her voice,

But it plays on my mind very often .

I’ve never even heard her laugh,

But I’ve know she has an healing smile.
I’ve never actually hugged her,

Or ran my fingers through her hair.

I’ve never gazed into her eyes,

Or watched her laying there,

But I know I think about her.
I wonder why,

I can only imagine what kind of impact that’s she’s had on me, evening without knowing.
We can barely have a conversation,

Because every time we talk it’s like we’re at war.

I guess I don’t Know her at all, so it makes sense

But I often think about her so it’s kind of confusing.
I am hopeful that one day, just one day,

I hope we can be amazing friends,

And I hope that our friendship,

Will never end.

Tell me how

Tell me how I’m supposed to believe in a God who has done nothing but bring me and my loved ones nothing but pain and hurt.
Tell me how I’m supposed to believe in a God who constantly finds new ways to kill the best of people.
Tell me I’m supposed to believe who has consistently let countries go to war or creates division over ways people worship him.

Tell me how I’m supposed to believe in a God who doesn’t seem to hear the cry of the poor but answers the call of the rich; because what we see the is the pockets of the rich getting fatter and their steadily getting better since they can afford the best health care, the best meals and the best lifestyle ; while the poor continue to have flatter pockets and get bigger in weight and their health depreciates because they can’t afford the best of everything.
Tell how I’m supposed to believe in a God who’s deserted me at my weakest.

Lately, I’ve met several like minded people who suffer from depression due to the passing of a loved one, or due to economic situations and these are people who believe in this God; now I ask if this man has done nothing but bring you hurt by taking away these loved or leave you in the worst financial situations; How am I supposed to believe in this God?
This fictional character is who I believe he his. It was a man-made system built to control us due to Human’s need for a constant belief system and a sense of guidance or the need to be followers in a general sense.
His name was used to capture my people slaves and lead into captivity and create a great division, yet he never did anything to stop it.
Tell me how am I supposed to believe in this God? Tell how exactly do you believe in one who has done nothing but consistently disappointed you?

Thank You For Nothing

I have tried overcoming the heartache you brought on me,

I have tried to get my confidence back and also rebuild my self-esteem,

I’ve always seen my person as a great person but after meeting you and dealing with you I question if I am good enough,

I never understood why you were so terrible towards me or why nothing I did was ever good enough or why you would constantly complain about my actions.

Unlike most stories, this started in the worst of ways, you were for someone else, and somehow I was cool with being the guy on the side, eventually I fought to win you over and in a way I guess you magically became mine and it worked out to our favor and It all started as a fairytale.

I never for once thought you’d to me what you did to him, but isn’t Karma a bitch ; isn’t that how life works.

You fuck people over and get fucked over, but none of this occurred to me because I was in awe of your perfection,

You were everything I was looking for,

The perfect young lady to come in and ruin my life, but you walked right in and did just that.

You appeared to be the best thing that ever happened to me at first but slowly the true you was unveiled but I still ignored all of those signals, I’m sorry became just another word to ease our conversations and the ingenuity of you saying I love you was never to be questioned.

I think about the guy who just seemed to be randomly hanging on his couch but you apparently just saying hi at his place, but stupidly this was another signal I ignored.

I let us continue even after all the wrong, I let go of everyone else and in you, I put my all, I found myself making changes to suit you; just so you could be happy. I found myself doing everything just to make you mine but to no avail nothing I did was good enough for you and you could never appreciate anything I did.

I love how when you wanted to end this, you just started ignoring me and never was mature enough to give me a reason, but I thank you for that because now I know I deserve better than a cheat, and a liar . This guy is also glad you realized you wasted your time.

Due to our situation I’ve changed into someone, I am not,
I was always so warm but now I have become colder than ever, I was never an angry person but now with the mention of your name or just when I see you I am filled with rage .

I am so far from who I once was.
I am now weak and no longer bold,
I am angry, I am tired. I am a very emotionally exhausted.

You’ve played enough mind games
To make me feel no good. You played mind games just so you could have your way

Everyone saw a smile, But no one knew what was truly behind, you good at covering how deceitful and how much of a liar you are.
Pain, heartache, and despair is all now felt .

Maybe one day I’ll be able to escape, I hope I move on and find someone greater,

I hope I can start over somewhere new,

But I’ll never forget the impact you had on me.

Now because of you, I’ll forever believe love is chimerical .

The DM

Laying down bored, scrolling on the gram, she popped up on that feed in a lovely dress, filling up every inch of that dress, and a smile filling every inch of my heart because it simply lit me up. 
As I scrolled through her pictures I saw a smile big enough heal a hurt, the more I looked the more I wanted all of what she’s got. 

And her melanin is so radiant; It shall remain a sexy dark chocolate throughout all the seasons. 

Your chocolate skin glistens once you waltz inside a room. Your chocolate skin is magnificent, it’s amazing to think God has blessed you with such melanin.

She probably about 5’10 and weighs and 100 and something, I kept calculating how much space she’ll take up if she was lying my bed next to I. 
She filled my mind with thoughts of wifing and taking her home this even before I said a word.

I dropped several DM’s eventually she answered, now we texting and I can see she’s so busy she ain’t got no time for nobody. Or maybe I just lack the proper words to enthuse her mind and maybe I just like all the other guys in her cell.
It hurts to think that I couldn’t pick the words, to sway you my way, it sucks that I’ve never gotten to have a regular conversation with you to break all those guards down and see behind all that confidence is some heavy flaws that make you into the strong queen you are.

I am exhausted

My bones feel weakened, my body whimpers and mind lacks fluidity & sanity,My head is throbbing, it’s pounding, I feel like the world is stomping on me.

I’m freely falling no matter how hard I try to stay up, I am fatigued from helplessness.

I am tired of always trying, and never feeling I’ve done enough or I’m never good enough for anyone or myself especially.

I wish peoples ignorance wouldn’t affect my state of mind, but with a great deal of sadness it takes an heavy toll on me,

I’m strained from hearing lies, from those I admire and those I desire, it hurts to be let down by those who you thought were in your life to inspire you to be your best self.

I am drained the mental abuse I have consistently endured,

I am enervated from constant crying, Sadness has become my natural state 

I am just so exhausted

I feel like dying.

Her. 

I see curves everywhere. Curves on a tidal wave, Curves in every soda bottle and the crescent moon, and most especially in every woman’s waist.

But the one curve I need is yours the villainous feline with seductive curves that tantalize crazy thoughts of my dark side.
I think about that day seeing you in all black, ( long sleeve black shirt, with jeans hugging every curve and thigh black boots to complete your simple yet elegant look ) and how it seemed like you were hiding in the crowd but your beauty was way too formidable that even in the midst of hundreds you managed to stand out so effortlessly and how you left me fawning , I couldn’t let you go by without saying nothing. I discovered your wittiness and humorous combative punchline lines, I couldn’t help but imagine how it felt to be around you all the time, how I wished you were next to me as I penned down these thoughts. I want to help you figure out your passion and I’ll do by making sure I arouse your soul and make sweet love to your mind while we next to each other into slumber.
I want to show you how a woman is truthfully meant to be loved, I want you to know that you are worth and more and you don’t need anyone’s validity. I want to embrace all of that beautiful-chocolate and be the happiest with that old soul of yours.

“Land Of The Free”

Slowly, we’re a all being wiped out,

We’re not wanted,

They want to see us rage,

They want to see us fight back, so they can have a reason to slaughter us.
This isn’t our country and they want us to know that,

They brought us here at their own will, why? 

Just to use us and that they’re done they just want to dispose us,

Everyday another of us is killed, Every hour another of us is thrown jailed and lost in the system so we can fail.
We can shout and protest, but nothing has changed,

We can fight back but they have more weapons than us, 

They argue we kill ourselves but who gives us the weapons,

All we want is equality and peace,

All we want is to be accepted,

All we want it to be free in the “Land of the Free”