Shoutout to Prozac

Today makes it exactly 2 years that I’ve been anti-depressants, Man it hasn’t been easy because the side effects have been crazy but I’m elated that I started taking them but sadly I’m not right without them. I remember slashing myself with a blade about 3 years ago because I was so tired and wanted to end it all. I’m happy I met some amazing people who pushed to go get help and I must say ever since I started making my meds I’ve been feeling much better but mentally that process has been very difficult. There have been days I cried for about 6 hours and some days I’m so happy and filled with joy you’d think I was high. I remember telling some of my ‘friends &a family ‘that I was depressed and they’d try to convince me that it was all in my head, I almost believed but thanks to this lovely lady named Liz Sawyer, I forced myself to get help and boy I’m happy I did. I’m not close to where I want to be but I can say compared to this date 2 years ago I am much better, I am glad to be where I am right now and I can only hope I continue to make forward progress, it’s still a long ass road but I’m happy with where I am and extremely excited for what is ahead.¬†

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Thank You For Nothing

I have tried overcoming the heartache you brought on me,

I have tried to get my confidence back and also rebuild my self-esteem,

I’ve always seen my person as a great person but after meeting you and dealing with you I question if I am good enough,

I never understood why you were so terrible towards me or why nothing I did was ever good enough or why you would constantly complain about my actions.

Unlike most stories, this started in the worst of ways, you were for someone else, and somehow I was cool with being the guy on the side, eventually I fought to win you over and in a way I guess you magically became mine and it worked out to our favor and It all started as a fairytale.

I never for once thought you’d to me what you did to him, but isn’t Karma a bitch ; isn’t that how life works.

You fuck people over and get fucked over, but none of this occurred to me because I was in awe of your perfection,

You were everything I was looking for,

The perfect young lady to come in and ruin my life, but you walked right in and did just that.

You appeared to be the best thing that ever happened to me at first but slowly the true you was unveiled but I still ignored all of those signals, I’m sorry became just another word to ease our conversations and the ingenuity of you saying I love you was never to be questioned.

I think about the guy who just seemed to be randomly hanging on his couch but you apparently just saying hi at his place, but stupidly this was another signal I ignored.

I let us continue even after all the wrong, I let go of everyone else and in you, I put my all, I found myself making changes to suit you; just so you could be happy. I found myself doing everything just to make you mine but to no avail nothing I did was good enough for you and you could never appreciate anything I did.

I love how when you wanted to end this, you just started ignoring me and never was mature enough to give me a reason, but I thank you for that because now I know I deserve better than a cheat, and a liar . This guy is also glad you realized you wasted your time.

Due to our situation I’ve changed into someone, I am not,
I was always so warm but now I have become colder than ever, I was never an angry person but now with the mention of your name or just when I see you I am filled with rage .

I am so far from who I once was.
I am now weak and no longer bold,
I am angry, I am tired. I am a very emotionally exhausted.

You’ve played enough mind games
To make me feel no good. You played mind games just so you could have your way

Everyone saw a smile, But no one knew what was truly behind, you good at covering how deceitful and how much of a liar you are.
Pain, heartache, and despair is all now felt .

Maybe one day I’ll be able to escape, I hope I move on and find someone greater,

I hope I can start over somewhere new,

But I’ll never forget the impact you had on me.

Now because of you, I’ll forever believe love is chimerical .

“Land Of The Free”

Slowly, we’re a all being wiped out,

We’re not wanted,

They want to see us rage,

They want to see us fight back, so they can have a reason to slaughter us.
This isn’t our country and they want us to know that,

They brought us here at their own will, why? 

Just to use us and that they’re done they just want to dispose us,

Everyday another of us is killed, Every hour another of us is thrown jailed and lost in the system so we can fail.
We can shout and protest, but nothing has changed,

We can fight back but they have more weapons than us, 

They argue we kill ourselves but who gives us the weapons,

All we want is equality and peace,

All we want is to be accepted,

All we want it to be free in the “Land of the Free”

I Wonder

Not all who wander are lost.

Yet still, I wonder

where am I headed to, I have no clue?

But I know where I am,
I’m stuck in the moment, fighting to find my way, but yet I’m still so lost,

Lost in my thoughts.

Thoughts which range from “what’s for dinner?” to “why am I here?”
Ranging from shallow minded ignorant young Blackman to Young Woken brother on a mission?

My mind is jumping from leap to leap.
Leaving me confused and wondering, Where am I and where are we going? 

Then I realize, maybe I’m just a wanderer after all. A soul built to go where ever, whenever my heart desires.

She’s A Slut, He’s The Man

Oh double standards, how lovely are you? I think just by title of this article you kind of get where I’m going with this. Any lock that can be unlocked by different keys is a bad lock right? But any Key that can unlock any lock is a master Key right? Now to you men that have this mentality imagine this was your fathers thought process when going into your mother. And to the women who are great locks and judge the bad locks like they’re any different or better.
Any man that can have sex with multiple women is hailed as a hero, he’s seen as the man but if a woman decides to do the same she’s labeled as a slut amongst many other things she’s called but you pathetic men that call them these names know you love them because that’s what you want. You want that woman you can call anytime and the sex will be accessible but yet you’re quick to call her every name in the book but you think you’re the cool guy because you can do that. I want every guy just like myself to think to ourselves; what makes it different that women can’t decide to have Casual sex if they want to? Like why would you as a ‘man’ choose to label or disrespect a woman based on her sexual decisions, honestly bro that makes you a coward man. If you don’t want her because she’s been with too many men then leave her the fuck alone and go find your Virgin Mary mother of Jesus or if you think she’s a slut because she hangs around too many then go find a Nun and try marrying because she’s been with women most of her life.

I want every man that calls women names just for doing the same things they do to imagine if someone called their daughters or mothers or sisters those names and how would they feel? Or imagine yourself being that woman for a second being called all those things, well I know some men still don’t care which is perfectly fine with me but next time you decide to call a Woman a slut for choosing to have sec with multiple partners just remember you’re a bigger slut and a lowlife.

Also, I want to place emphasis on the fact that no matter how old a woman is, or how she lives her life, or what she does for a living and also what she chooses to wear; she should still be respected because honestly if it wasn’t for women both the “sluts”(who make life more fun) and the “innocent” or “angelic” women our world would be shredded into pieces.

My point is no man has the power to slut shame a woman and no woman has the right to put the other down just because they choose to live their life differently. If you don’t have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck and keep your words to yourself.

Beautiful Black Woman, I Worship Thee

Beautiful Black Woman, thank you for adding some color to this world. Beautiful Black Woman thank you being Queen of the earth & Queen of my heart.

Beautiful Black Woman you are powerful, you are fierce, you are the realest of them all.

Beautiful Black woman of all the earths beauty yours is the purest form, the way your skin glows in the light, the way your body is perfectly shaped.

Beautiful Black woman, how I wish society appreciated for what you are, or even more I wish you appreciated the beauty that is your skin and realizing those lightening creams and anything to change your skin only does damage to the beautiful raw skin Yahweh blessed you with.

Beautiful Black Woman, black men everywhere worship the, because you birth us, raised us, sheltered us made us realize that we are kings and nothing could take us down.

Beautiful Black Woman you are a Goddess because in your we can forever trust because you have always delivered.

Beautiful Black Woman; the world is intimated by your beauty and are threatened by your wisdom which is why they hate you so much.

Beautiful Black Woman nothing in life will ever take you away from us and that is the earth will forever remain yours and you will forever remain queen.

Beautiful Black Woman I love you, appreciate you, I cherish you. For you are my healer and my joy.

And to my special Beautiful Brown Skin Woman who’s beauty left me in awe and the way she walked with confidence like had no flaw, you have captivated my heart and my soul and showed me that Brown Skin are the world’s biggest treasure and that’s why they’ve been Gold this whole time.

Women are strong

God bless the women who raised me, because I must have been a load of work to deal with and to all my ex’s and every woman I’ve ever been involved ya’ll are hella special. Let me start by saying, I don’t understand why women don’t get more recognition in our society but even though society doesn’t I will. Now I’m here to talk about how beautiful the woman body is but I want to talk about how beautiful the soul of woman is. Women are so special and so strong, its crazy how over time Women (especially women of color) I’ve managed to stay strong no matter what has come their way, you see as a man you really don’t endure have to do alot to show how strong you are but for women its very different at least that’s what ive noticed. So I want to say to every woman out there; especially to my Women of color that you are strong, that you are beautiful and that you are loved . Now, it’s not that I need to be telling you this because you already know that but this is a just a reminder.

I’ve been meeting way too many women with self esteem issues or suffering from lack of self love, or lack of acceptance. I just wanted to say to every woman out there ya’ll are strong as hell. Through your flaws and all you are loved and cherished, From the single mothers to woman, who’s been abused, to the woman who’s overweight, and those who are dealing with whatever. Women are strong as hell, Men are probably seen has the superiors but I’m sure any real man will if a woman wasn’t holding him down he won’t be anymore. From the mothers, to the sisters, wives, girlfriends, babymother’s and side chicks. #womenarestrongashell #womendeservemorerespect #iwasraisedby4women #womensmonthiseverymonth.

Beautiful Brown Baby

I can’t seem to imagine why anyone will feel like this is a compliment but if anyone ever called my baby that i’d be going crazy. I feel like most Caucasian think its perfectly fine to use this as a compliment but its not fine at all, like how will you feel if I called your white baby a “a beautiful milky baby” or a “beautiful creamy baby” I’m sure i’d get a weird stare or like a straight up ‘what the fuck” face . I honestly feel like race should never be brought up in a compliment because that is also a form of racism but this is just my opinion and it varies for everyone. Another compliment that bothers is ‘You’re really cute for a black girl” or “you have really nice hair for a black person”. Like this is in no form a compliment, Its racist and disrespectful. I don’t know who comes up with shit like this but I have a bigger problem with people who use it, I think anyone with any sense at all would understand that this is no form a compliment.

Please note that these are all my opinions but its different for everyone, but I’m sure every black person will agree with me on this,

I experienced the Vow Of Silence but I can’t keep quiet

Today I discovered the beauty that was New York Public Library of black culture in Harlem. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about,I’m here to talk about film that left me filled with joy and emotions. I remember the first time I saw Brokeback Mountain, it was a powerful movie, but the experience I got from the Vow Of Silence was very similar yet abundantly different. This was a beautifully written film about Two Queers of Color in love, the title is brought to life by a beautiful young lady by the name Jade (Tattiana Aqeel) who tries to win back the love of Isis (Shayna last name I can’t remember) her ex lover. What makes this film so special and extremely interesting is the fact that Jade (the protagonist) takes a Vow of Silence to win back Isis, and through out the 28 minute film you are able to see raw emotion displayed by the cast, and this is something that is missing in today’s film industry.

Vow of Silence¬†is a music driven film, that showcases the beauty and talent queer women of color. Jade’s inability to speak helps communicates her pain, weakness, power and joy through music.

This beautiful movie was written and directed by the super talented: Be Steadwell

to learn more about this film visit http://www.besteadwell.com/#!vow-of-silence/c1osv