Shoutout to Prozac

Today makes it exactly 2 years that I’ve been anti-depressants, Man it hasn’t been easy because the side effects have been crazy but I’m elated that I started taking them but sadly I’m not right without them. I remember slashing myself with a blade about 3 years ago because I was so tired and wanted to end it all. I’m happy I met some amazing people who pushed to go get help and I must say ever since I started making my meds I’ve been feeling much better but mentally that process has been very difficult. There have been days I cried for about 6 hours and some days I’m so happy and filled with joy you’d think I was high. I remember telling some of my ‘friends &a family ‘that I was depressed and they’d try to convince me that it was all in my head, I almost believed but thanks to this lovely lady named Liz Sawyer, I forced myself to get help and boy I’m happy I did. I’m not close to where I want to be but I can say compared to this date 2 years ago I am much better, I am glad to be where I am right now and I can only hope I continue to make forward progress, it’s still a long ass road but I’m happy with where I am and extremely excited for what is ahead. 

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TALL

She’s the life of the party and the center of attention,
She’s a self-proclaimed goddess and God created Queen,
What a beautiful tall black woman, with lovely slim thick thighs, I could imagine them wrapped around mine.
I imagine those beautiful brown eyes piercing through my soul.

She withstood her heartbreak and physical pain from this scumbag called life and yet she stood strong. How can you not want a woman so brave because you have to admire how she’s moved on.

She has the features other women pay for, she’s so lusty, do you know the beautiful sensation you get when she wear heels and is slightly taller than you.

Do you know the euphoric sentiment you experience when you are talking the nastiest things to her while kissing and biting all from the top, down to those never ending legs?
She is a thing of beauty and I hope she realizes it.

She was only 5′ foot somethin’ yet she intimidated me like a giant,

Her zaftig shape left me drooling,
I couldn’t let her walk away without saying a word, so I walk up and start up a conversation.

Her voice was so blissful, and soothing,
I could argue with you that it has magical powers,
Her smile was so precious, and your presence was overwhelmingly gracious.

As I sparked up a conversation I couldn’t but notice her beautiful big eyes, they pierced through my soul and made me smile hard.
My heart skipped a beat with every word she uttered.

I spoke to her in most pleasant and melancholy tone, simply because her voice played a new sound in my ear. Her lips looks so soft and I immediately wanted a kiss.

We spoke for a bit and she told me she sang,
I wasn’t surprised because I was sure she was an angel in disguise. A woman like her is impossible to come by, a woman like her you never forget.

When I met her, I felt like I had discovered a new song and it would be something I won’t mind jamming too for a long time. And in that moment I know I had met a queen, that moment my eyes opened again.

Stranger 

There’s this girl I’ve never met,It’s very hard to explain.

I don’t really even know her,

But I do think about her quite often.
I’ve never even heard her voice,

But it plays on my mind very often .

I’ve never even heard her laugh,

But I’ve know she has an healing smile.
I’ve never actually hugged her,

Or ran my fingers through her hair.

I’ve never gazed into her eyes,

Or watched her laying there,

But I know I think about her.
I wonder why,

I can only imagine what kind of impact that’s she’s had on me, evening without knowing.
We can barely have a conversation,

Because every time we talk it’s like we’re at war.

I guess I don’t Know her at all, so it makes sense

But I often think about her so it’s kind of confusing.
I am hopeful that one day, just one day,

I hope we can be amazing friends,

And I hope that our friendship,

Will never end.

Thank You For Nothing

I have tried overcoming the heartache you brought on me,

I have tried to get my confidence back and also rebuild my self-esteem,

I’ve always seen my person as a great person but after meeting you and dealing with you I question if I am good enough,

I never understood why you were so terrible towards me or why nothing I did was ever good enough or why you would constantly complain about my actions.

Unlike most stories, this started in the worst of ways, you were for someone else, and somehow I was cool with being the guy on the side, eventually I fought to win you over and in a way I guess you magically became mine and it worked out to our favor and It all started as a fairytale.

I never for once thought you’d to me what you did to him, but isn’t Karma a bitch ; isn’t that how life works.

You fuck people over and get fucked over, but none of this occurred to me because I was in awe of your perfection,

You were everything I was looking for,

The perfect young lady to come in and ruin my life, but you walked right in and did just that.

You appeared to be the best thing that ever happened to me at first but slowly the true you was unveiled but I still ignored all of those signals, I’m sorry became just another word to ease our conversations and the ingenuity of you saying I love you was never to be questioned.

I think about the guy who just seemed to be randomly hanging on his couch but you apparently just saying hi at his place, but stupidly this was another signal I ignored.

I let us continue even after all the wrong, I let go of everyone else and in you, I put my all, I found myself making changes to suit you; just so you could be happy. I found myself doing everything just to make you mine but to no avail nothing I did was good enough for you and you could never appreciate anything I did.

I love how when you wanted to end this, you just started ignoring me and never was mature enough to give me a reason, but I thank you for that because now I know I deserve better than a cheat, and a liar . This guy is also glad you realized you wasted your time.

Due to our situation I’ve changed into someone, I am not,
I was always so warm but now I have become colder than ever, I was never an angry person but now with the mention of your name or just when I see you I am filled with rage .

I am so far from who I once was.
I am now weak and no longer bold,
I am angry, I am tired. I am a very emotionally exhausted.

You’ve played enough mind games
To make me feel no good. You played mind games just so you could have your way

Everyone saw a smile, But no one knew what was truly behind, you good at covering how deceitful and how much of a liar you are.
Pain, heartache, and despair is all now felt .

Maybe one day I’ll be able to escape, I hope I move on and find someone greater,

I hope I can start over somewhere new,

But I’ll never forget the impact you had on me.

Now because of you, I’ll forever believe love is chimerical .

Her. 

I see curves everywhere. Curves on a tidal wave, Curves in every soda bottle and the crescent moon, and most especially in every woman’s waist.

But the one curve I need is yours the villainous feline with seductive curves that tantalize crazy thoughts of my dark side.
I think about that day seeing you in all black, ( long sleeve black shirt, with jeans hugging every curve and thigh black boots to complete your simple yet elegant look ) and how it seemed like you were hiding in the crowd but your beauty was way too formidable that even in the midst of hundreds you managed to stand out so effortlessly and how you left me fawning , I couldn’t let you go by without saying nothing. I discovered your wittiness and humorous combative punchline lines, I couldn’t help but imagine how it felt to be around you all the time, how I wished you were next to me as I penned down these thoughts. I want to help you figure out your passion and I’ll do by making sure I arouse your soul and make sweet love to your mind while we next to each other into slumber.
I want to show you how a woman is truthfully meant to be loved, I want you to know that you are worth and more and you don’t need anyone’s validity. I want to embrace all of that beautiful-chocolate and be the happiest with that old soul of yours.

Admit It, It’s all about the way your penis feels!!

Do you actually like her? Or you like the way she makes your penis feel?Do you actually care about her well being or you only care about if she’s well with you?
Just waste her time and fill her with bogus stories, tell her what she wants to hear and fill her head with fake promises. Treat her like princess but within your heart she’s just another one in a long line women will Serve under him.
Make her feel like she’s the only one, so whenever she does something wrong you play the victim and leave her with a heart filled with guilt and let her apologize. 

After you’ve done this you get a sense you’re now in control and become a manipulative genius. You constantly mislead and make her feel you can’t do anything wrong, now that you have her heart make like she’s not good enough and will never be good for anyone else but you.
Her self-esteem is now low and she’s addicted to your lies and your bullshit and doesn’t realize you’re a no good, lying pathetic loser, but that’s perfectly fine because you’re already on to the next female doing the same exact routine but unfortunately you met your match and she won’t fall your lies and your deceit, your games and manipulative ways. So you take your anger and frustration out of the princess who thinks you’re the best person ever; she’s angry and panicking, thinking what have I done wrong how can I please my ‘prince’, she runs to friends for help and while you run from bed to bed in search of something that is none existent. 
Until one day you end it all. You let her know the truth, you apologize to her but it’s too late because you’ve created another broken woman, another angry woman, you’ve created another stereotypical angry black woman. You’ve helped this Queen loose her crown, but soon she’ll be back while you keep ruining more lives only failing to realize you’re ruining yours. 

You are only making yourself into a damage boy who will never get a basic understanding of an emotional connection, or the joys of having someone who your Soul is tied to. 

Wishing we never met..

Sitting here late at night,

Looking at this burning cigarette, as I think of everything I regret, starring at her face, wishing we never met,

What exactly have I done? Why did I ever get myself involved in the first place ? How did the manage to get this frozen heart to melt?

Now, I’m questioning myself like why didn’t you know better? Or if you’ve known better why didn’t you do better?

At this moment I can’t even trust myself or my own judgement, I can’t even trust my own words. I keep falling in out of trust and trying to rekindle lust in the name of love. I keep trying to burn a fire that was never lit. All this while I kept thinking I was the one who was unfit, I kept thinking maybe I was the one at fault not realizing you were just trying to pass time, you were just trying to heal your last hurt and I happened to be the most ready victim.

Hey, I hope you’re happy now. You’ve torn me into pieces and spit me out like I was worth nothing.

I hope you get what you deserve, I hope life doesn’t hit you as hard .

Poems are stupid, Not!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you,
Scared of these feelings because it’s still new
I catch myself thinking of the best way to share,
Hoping you’ll return my confession showing you care
And then I catch myself again… and drag my thoughts back to reality
I am back at square one, does this just happen to me?

Poems are so stupid I swear I would never do this
But this is YOU, and you aren’t like anyone I have met
How much longer do I have to write, can I tell you yet?
When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure
But then I sleep… and the dreams of you occur

The dreams I have of you are so vivid and clear,
Dreams of you fighting with me against all odds stacked against me,
Dreams of you working with me to build a better me, honestly I can say
I feel TRUE happiness inside and that there is nothing to fear
People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them
I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear.

Just hear what I am about to say to you, feel it with my body, see it in my face,
Hear it in my words and tone when we converse, lay on my chest and feel my heartbeat to tune of your voice.

Waste Her Time.

Do you actually like her? Or you like the way she makes your penis feel?
Do you actually care about her well-being or you only care about if she’s well with you?

Just waste her time and fill her with bogus stories, tell her what she wants to hear and fill her head with fake promises. Treat her like a princess but within your heart she’s just another one in a long line women will Serve under him.

Make her feel like she’s the only one, so whenever she does something wrong you play the victim and leave her with a heart filled with guilt and let her apologize.
After you’ve done this you get a sense you’re now in control and become a manipulative genius. You constantly mislead and make her feel you can’t do anything wrong, now that you have her heart make like she’s not good enough and will never be good for anyone else but you.

Her self-esteem is now low and she’s addicted to your lies and your bullshit and doesn’t realize you’re a no good, lying pathetic loser, but that’s perfectly fine because you’re already on to the next female doing the same exact routine but unfortunately, you met your match and she won’t fall your lies and your deceit, your games and manipulative ways. So you take your anger and frustration out of the princess who thinks you’re the best person ever; she’s angry and panicking, thinking what have I done wrong how can I please my ‘prince’, she runs to friends for help and while you run from bed to bed in search of something that is none existent.

Until one day you end it all. You let her know the truth, you apologize to her but it’s too late because you’ve created another broken woman, another angry woman, you’ve created another stereotypical angry black woman. You’ve helped this Queen loose her crown, but soon she’ll be back while you keep ruining more lives only failing to realize you’re ruining yours.
You are only making yourself into a damaged boy who will never get a basic understanding of an emotional connection or the joys of having someone who your Soul is tied to.