Happy Mother’s Day¬†

Not a day goes by without a thought of you.Most of the time they are happy thoughts,

Thoughts of how great things were, 

Thoughts of how I was once a happy child with a bright future,

Eventually all those joyous thoughts go away, and I fade into darkness,

You really are gone, you’re not here anymore,

I feel so alone, whenever this thought hits me,

My bestfriend is gone, so now I drown in my thoughts,

Slowly trying to move on without you mother,
Every moment I wish you were here,

Your love was selfless, your heart was warming no matter what.

You made me feel like I belong ,

You made me feel like I could do anything,

You were my source of my motivation and all that is now dust,

Do I still matter?, Will I ever be something?
I can’t help but wonder if you’re still around,

Do you see me breakdown and cry?

Do you hear my prayers?

Do you see me quiver in fear of me not amounting to anything? 

Are you proud of me?

Why won’t you answer my calls for you? 
I want you to show me sign that you’re here,

I’ve been waiting for an answer, but even though I get no reply I’ll keep trying.
I saw you in my dream the other day, but you never altered a word,

Is that the sign I needed all along that you’re still around, but I may never know I’ve realized.
The rest of the world celebrate mothers and spend time with theirs, I’m left dealing with tears all I can do is think of the memories we had, 

I’m happy glad we created those memories, you were more than a mother to me and I’m happy you birth me. 

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Overly Exaggerated Thoughts | RIP Ma

It’s been 3 years and man does that shit feel like fucking 3 minutes ago, tears rolling down my eyes as I become an emotional wreck struggling to calm myself down as I’m ready to rage.

After all these years why does this still affect me, after all these years why am I still struggling with the pain. I know you are the best person I ever knew, the best friend that I ever had, you were my life support and honestly without for all these years have been lost. I’ve done everything to deal with the pain but nothing has worked.

From the alcohol, to the pill popping from numerous sexual escapades. It’s all been a waste of my life, running from place to another to find comfort constantly running from everything and anything that reminds me of you.  Constantly beating myself up for not teaching the potential for which you know I could be at, feeling like worthless nuisance who’s roaming with no help or guidance.

I lost love and I’ve been filled with nothing hate and dismay over everything and everyone. I lost my way and passion, I lack clear vision and all of this is because you’re gone.

I wish there was a way for you to let me know you’re still here, and that you still care. I wish you were to shine your light upon me once again and show me the way, but until that moment comes I’m going to continue living life with no care, making sure I pretend like I have absolutely no regrets, rant and complain about everything like I didn’t create these problems myself.

Until you come back, I’m going to keep throwing my life away because at the end of the day I’m going to rot in hell, while you’re in heaven doing super dope things with God.

I miss you and I wish you could show me the way again.