Today makes it exactly 2 years that I’ve been anti-depressants, Man it hasn’t been easy because the side effects have been crazy but I’m elated that I started taking them but sadly I’m not right without them. I remember slashing myself with a blade about 3 years ago because I was so tired and wanted to end it all. I’m happy I met some amazing people who pushed to go get help and I must say ever since I started making my meds I’ve been feeling much better but mentally that process has been very difficult. There have been days I cried for about 6 hours and some days I’m so happy and filled with joy you’d think I was high. I remember telling some of my ‘friends &a family ‘that I was depressed and they’d try to convince me that it was all in my head, I almost believed but thanks to this lovely lady named Liz Sawyer, I forced myself to get help and boy I’m happy I did. I’m not close to where I want to be but I can say compared to this date 2 years ago I am much better, I am glad to be where I am right now and I can only hope I continue to make forward progress, it’s still a long ass road but I’m happy with where I am and extremely excited for what is ahead.
She’s the life of the party and the center of attention,
She’s a self-proclaimed goddess and God created Queen,
What a beautiful tall black woman, with lovely slim thick thighs, I could imagine them wrapped around mine.
I imagine those beautiful brown eyes piercing through my soul.
She withstood her heartbreak and physical pain from this scumbag called life and yet she stood strong. How can you not want a woman so brave because you have to admire how she’s moved on.
She has the features other women pay for, she’s so lusty, do you know the beautiful sensation you get when she wear heels and is slightly taller than you.
Do you know the euphoric sentiment you experience when you are talking the nastiest things to her while kissing and biting all from the top, down to those never ending legs?
She is a thing of beauty and I hope she realizes it.
One of them is to just say that I am lost without your presence
Because every day goes by in a blur
As if life’s been covered by a thick frost
The other way to show you the state of my heart
Is to say that I feel like man who can’t dream
Memories and thoughts seem to just fly past
Even my soul is lifeless, without its gleam
In this hazy state, I have been
Since the day I let you walk away
I know I treated you in a way I shouldn’t have
I was wrong, I confess today that
I miss you
There’s this girl I’ve never met,It’s very hard to explain.
I don’t really even know her,
But I do think about her quite often.
I’ve never even heard her voice,
But it plays on my mind very often .
I’ve never even heard her laugh,
But I’ve know she has an healing smile.
I’ve never actually hugged her,
Or ran my fingers through her hair.
I’ve never gazed into her eyes,
Or watched her laying there,
But I know I think about her.
I wonder why,
I can only imagine what kind of impact that’s she’s had on me, evening without knowing.
We can barely have a conversation,
Because every time we talk it’s like we’re at war.
I guess I don’t Know her at all, so it makes sense
But I often think about her so it’s kind of confusing.
I am hopeful that one day, just one day,
I hope we can be amazing friends,
And I hope that our friendship,
Will never end.
Tell me how I’m supposed to believe in a God who has done nothing but bring me and my loved ones nothing but pain and hurt.
Tell me how I’m supposed to believe in a God who constantly finds new ways to kill the best of people.
Tell me I’m supposed to believe who has consistently let countries go to war or creates division over ways people worship him.
Tell me how I’m supposed to believe in a God who doesn’t seem to hear the cry of the poor but answers the call of the rich; because what we see the is the pockets of the rich getting fatter and their steadily getting better since they can afford the best health care, the best meals and the best lifestyle ; while the poor continue to have flatter pockets and get bigger in weight and their health depreciates because they can’t afford the best of everything.
Tell how I’m supposed to believe in a God who’s deserted me at my weakest.
Lately, I’ve met several like minded people who suffer from depression due to the passing of a loved one, or due to economic situations and these are people who believe in this God; now I ask if this man has done nothing but bring you hurt by taking away these loved or leave you in the worst financial situations; How am I supposed to believe in this God?
This fictional character is who I believe he his. It was a man-made system built to control us due to Human’s need for a constant belief system and a sense of guidance or the need to be followers in a general sense.
His name was used to capture my people slaves and lead into captivity and create a great division, yet he never did anything to stop it.
Tell me how am I supposed to believe in this God? Tell how exactly do you believe in one who has done nothing but consistently disappointed you?
Laying down bored, scrolling on the gram, she popped up on that feed in a lovely dress, filling up every inch of that dress, and a smile filling every inch of my heart because it simply lit me up.
As I scrolled through her pictures I saw a smile big enough heal a hurt, the more I looked the more I wanted all of what she’s got.
And her melanin is so radiant; It shall remain a sexy dark chocolate throughout all the seasons.
Your chocolate skin glistens once you waltz inside a room. Your chocolate skin is magnificent, it’s amazing to think God has blessed you with such melanin.
She probably about 5’10 and weighs and 100 and something, I kept calculating how much space she’ll take up if she was lying my bed next to I.
She filled my mind with thoughts of wifing and taking her home this even before I said a word.
I dropped several DM’s eventually she answered, now we texting and I can see she’s so busy she ain’t got no time for nobody. Or maybe I just lack the proper words to enthuse her mind and maybe I just like all the other guys in her cell.
It hurts to think that I couldn’t pick the words, to sway you my way, it sucks that I’ve never gotten to have a regular conversation with you to break all those guards down and see behind all that confidence is some heavy flaws that make you into the strong queen you are.
My bones feel weakened, my body whimpers and mind lacks fluidity & sanity,My head is throbbing, it’s pounding, I feel like the world is stomping on me.
I’m freely falling no matter how hard I try to stay up, I am fatigued from helplessness.
I am tired of always trying, and never feeling I’ve done enough or I’m never good enough for anyone or myself especially.
I wish peoples ignorance wouldn’t affect my state of mind, but with a great deal of sadness it takes an heavy toll on me,
I’m strained from hearing lies, from those I admire and those I desire, it hurts to be let down by those who you thought were in your life to inspire you to be your best self.
I am drained the mental abuse I have consistently endured,
I am enervated from constant crying, Sadness has become my natural state
I am just so exhausted
I feel like dying.
I see curves everywhere. Curves on a tidal wave, Curves in every soda bottle and the crescent moon, and most especially in every woman’s waist.
But the one curve I need is yours the villainous feline with seductive curves that tantalize crazy thoughts of my dark side.
I think about that day seeing you in all black, ( long sleeve black shirt, with jeans hugging every curve and thigh black boots to complete your simple yet elegant look ) and how it seemed like you were hiding in the crowd but your beauty was way too formidable that even in the midst of hundreds you managed to stand out so effortlessly and how you left me fawning , I couldn’t let you go by without saying nothing. I discovered your wittiness and humorous combative punchline lines, I couldn’t help but imagine how it felt to be around you all the time, how I wished you were next to me as I penned down these thoughts. I want to help you figure out your passion and I’ll do by making sure I arouse your soul and make sweet love to your mind while we next to each other into slumber.
I want to show you how a woman is truthfully meant to be loved, I want you to know that you are worth and more and you don’t need anyone’s validity. I want to embrace all of that beautiful-chocolate and be the happiest with that old soul of yours.
Slowly, we’re a all being wiped out,
We’re not wanted,
They want to see us rage,
They want to see us fight back, so they can have a reason to slaughter us.
This isn’t our country and they want us to know that,
They brought us here at their own will, why?
Just to use us and that they’re done they just want to dispose us,
Everyday another of us is killed, Every hour another of us is thrown jailed and lost in the system so we can fail.
We can shout and protest, but nothing has changed,
We can fight back but they have more weapons than us,
They argue we kill ourselves but who gives us the weapons,
All we want is equality and peace,
All we want is to be accepted,
All we want it to be free in the “Land of the Free”
Do you actually like her? Or you like the way she makes your penis feel?Do you actually care about her well being or you only care about if she’s well with you?
Just waste her time and fill her with bogus stories, tell her what she wants to hear and fill her head with fake promises. Treat her like princess but within your heart she’s just another one in a long line women will Serve under him.
Make her feel like she’s the only one, so whenever she does something wrong you play the victim and leave her with a heart filled with guilt and let her apologize.
After you’ve done this you get a sense you’re now in control and become a manipulative genius. You constantly mislead and make her feel you can’t do anything wrong, now that you have her heart make like she’s not good enough and will never be good for anyone else but you.
Her self-esteem is now low and she’s addicted to your lies and your bullshit and doesn’t realize you’re a no good, lying pathetic loser, but that’s perfectly fine because you’re already on to the next female doing the same exact routine but unfortunately you met your match and she won’t fall your lies and your deceit, your games and manipulative ways. So you take your anger and frustration out of the princess who thinks you’re the best person ever; she’s angry and panicking, thinking what have I done wrong how can I please my ‘prince’, she runs to friends for help and while you run from bed to bed in search of something that is none existent.
Until one day you end it all. You let her know the truth, you apologize to her but it’s too late because you’ve created another broken woman, another angry woman, you’ve created another stereotypical angry black woman. You’ve helped this Queen loose her crown, but soon she’ll be back while you keep ruining more lives only failing to realize you’re ruining yours.
You are only making yourself into a damage boy who will never get a basic understanding of an emotional connection, or the joys of having someone who your Soul is tied to.