Today makes it exactly 2 years that I’ve been anti-depressants, Man it hasn’t been easy because the side effects have been crazy but I’m elated that I started taking them but sadly I’m not right without them. I remember slashing myself with a blade about 3 years ago because I was so tired and wanted to end it all. I’m happy I met some amazing people who pushed to go get help and I must say ever since I started making my meds I’ve been feeling much better but mentally that process has been very difficult. There have been days I cried for about 6 hours and some days I’m so happy and filled with joy you’d think I was high. I remember telling some of my ‘friends &a family ‘that I was depressed and they’d try to convince me that it was all in my head, I almost believed but thanks to this lovely lady named Liz Sawyer, I forced myself to get help and boy I’m happy I did. I’m not close to where I want to be but I can say compared to this date 2 years ago I am much better, I am glad to be where I am right now and I can only hope I continue to make forward progress, it’s still a long ass road but I’m happy with where I am and extremely excited for what is ahead.
I have tried overcoming the heartache you brought on me,
I have tried to get my confidence back and also rebuild my self-esteem,
I’ve always seen my person as a great person but after meeting you and dealing with you I question if I am good enough,
I never understood why you were so terrible towards me or why nothing I did was ever good enough or why you would constantly complain about my actions.
Unlike most stories, this started in the worst of ways, you were for someone else, and somehow I was cool with being the guy on the side, eventually I fought to win you over and in a way I guess you magically became mine and it worked out to our favor and It all started as a fairytale.
I never for once thought you’d to me what you did to him, but isn’t Karma a bitch ; isn’t that how life works.
You fuck people over and get fucked over, but none of this occurred to me because I was in awe of your perfection,
You were everything I was looking for,
The perfect young lady to come in and ruin my life, but you walked right in and did just that.
You appeared to be the best thing that ever happened to me at first but slowly the true you was unveiled but I still ignored all of those signals, I’m sorry became just another word to ease our conversations and the ingenuity of you saying I love you was never to be questioned.
I think about the guy who just seemed to be randomly hanging on his couch but you apparently just saying hi at his place, but stupidly this was another signal I ignored.
I let us continue even after all the wrong, I let go of everyone else and in you, I put my all, I found myself making changes to suit you; just so you could be happy. I found myself doing everything just to make you mine but to no avail nothing I did was good enough for you and you could never appreciate anything I did.
I love how when you wanted to end this, you just started ignoring me and never was mature enough to give me a reason, but I thank you for that because now I know I deserve better than a cheat, and a liar . This guy is also glad you realized you wasted your time.
Due to our situation I’ve changed into someone, I am not,
I was always so warm but now I have become colder than ever, I was never an angry person but now with the mention of your name or just when I see you I am filled with rage .
I am so far from who I once was.
I am now weak and no longer bold,
I am angry, I am tired. I am a very emotionally exhausted.
You’ve played enough mind games
To make me feel no good. You played mind games just so you could have your way
Everyone saw a smile, But no one knew what was truly behind, you good at covering how deceitful and how much of a liar you are.
Pain, heartache, and despair is all now felt .
Maybe one day I’ll be able to escape, I hope I move on and find someone greater,
I hope I can start over somewhere new,
But I’ll never forget the impact you had on me.
Now because of you, I’ll forever believe love is chimerical .
Beautiful Black Woman, thank you for adding some color to this world. Beautiful Black Woman thank you being Queen of the earth & Queen of my heart.
Beautiful Black Woman you are powerful, you are fierce, you are the realest of them all.
Beautiful Black woman of all the earths beauty yours is the purest form, the way your skin glows in the light, the way your body is perfectly shaped.
Beautiful Black woman, how I wish society appreciated for what you are, or even more I wish you appreciated the beauty that is your skin and realizing those lightening creams and anything to change your skin only does damage to the beautiful raw skin Yahweh blessed you with.
Beautiful Black Woman, black men everywhere worship the, because you birth us, raised us, sheltered us made us realize that we are kings and nothing could take us down.
Beautiful Black Woman you are a Goddess because in your we can forever trust because you have always delivered.
Beautiful Black Woman; the world is intimated by your beauty and are threatened by your wisdom which is why they hate you so much.
Beautiful Black Woman nothing in life will ever take you away from us and that is the earth will forever remain yours and you will forever remain queen.
Beautiful Black Woman I love you, appreciate you, I cherish you. For you are my healer and my joy.
And to my special Beautiful Brown Skin Woman who’s beauty left me in awe and the way she walked with confidence like had no flaw, you have captivated my heart and my soul and showed me that Brown Skin are the world’s biggest treasure and that’s why they’ve been Gold this whole time.
Before you read this let me warn you that this post might contain some profanity.
Let me start by saying when did Reality shows become the new HIT thing on TV, Like what happened to the well scripted and interesting shows with great meaning. What happened to the days when people will get excited to see shows like Martin OR Girlfriends not Love and HipHop or perfectly scripted shows like Family Matters not shit like “Baby Mamas Atlanta, Virginia, Denver & Los Angeles” yes thats actually a fucking show in the works. This new craze is absolutely ridiculous and i’ll say its amongst the reasons why black women still get disrespected till this day because majority of these shows are filled grown African American women making fools of themselves and like what woman with any sense of pride or dignity will sign up to do a show where she brags about being the Baby Momma of a Rapper what pride is in that?
Like is this what my kids will grow up watching because it seems to be taking over TV, look at shows like Keeping with the Kardashain and see how they try to portray these women as some classy business savvy ladies, why the fuck can’t they do that with black women or women of color in general, it really bothers me. Then we look at the men on the show who are all fucking egomaniacs and take pride in mistreating women or being players and living THAT LIFE which honestly is all buffoonery and coonery.
Majority of the men on these shows are cornballs and wannabe’s or washed up artistes trying to hold on to a career that has been long gone, but they end up making themselves look really ridiculous and they’re doing nothing but providing more of a stigma for the hardworking and decent black men everywhere. When you look at shows like Basketball wives or Love and Hiphop whatever city they’re invading now, how many Causcian male and female do you see on those shows? All you are people of color or “Minorities” as people love to call us.
MY POINT IS REALITY SHOWS ARE DOING NOTHING BUT DAMAGE TO THE AFRICAN AMERICAN CULTURE THAT IS STRUGGLING ON A DAILY BASIS TO GAIN SOME POSITIVE LIGHT