I am exhausted

My bones feel weakened, my body whimpers and mind lacks fluidity & sanity,My head is throbbing, it’s pounding, I feel like the world is stomping on me.

I’m freely falling no matter how hard I try to stay up, I am fatigued from helplessness.

I am tired of always trying, and never feeling I’ve done enough or I’m never good enough for anyone or myself especially.

I wish peoples ignorance wouldn’t affect my state of mind, but with a great deal of sadness it takes an heavy toll on me,

I’m strained from hearing lies, from those I admire and those I desire, it hurts to be let down by those who you thought were in your life to inspire you to be your best self.

I am drained the mental abuse I have consistently endured,

I am enervated from constant crying, Sadness has become my natural state 

I am just so exhausted

I feel like dying.

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Her. 

I see curves everywhere. Curves on a tidal wave, Curves in every soda bottle and the crescent moon, and most especially in every woman’s waist.

But the one curve I need is yours the villainous feline with seductive curves that tantalize crazy thoughts of my dark side.
I think about that day seeing you in all black, ( long sleeve black shirt, with jeans hugging every curve and thigh black boots to complete your simple yet elegant look ) and how it seemed like you were hiding in the crowd but your beauty was way too formidable that even in the midst of hundreds you managed to stand out so effortlessly and how you left me fawning , I couldn’t let you go by without saying nothing. I discovered your wittiness and humorous combative punchline lines, I couldn’t help but imagine how it felt to be around you all the time, how I wished you were next to me as I penned down these thoughts. I want to help you figure out your passion and I’ll do by making sure I arouse your soul and make sweet love to your mind while we next to each other into slumber.
I want to show you how a woman is truthfully meant to be loved, I want you to know that you are worth and more and you don’t need anyone’s validity. I want to embrace all of that beautiful-chocolate and be the happiest with that old soul of yours.

“Land Of The Free”

Slowly, we’re a all being wiped out,

We’re not wanted,

They want to see us rage,

They want to see us fight back, so they can have a reason to slaughter us.
This isn’t our country and they want us to know that,

They brought us here at their own will, why? 

Just to use us and that they’re done they just want to dispose us,

Everyday another of us is killed, Every hour another of us is thrown jailed and lost in the system so we can fail.
We can shout and protest, but nothing has changed,

We can fight back but they have more weapons than us, 

They argue we kill ourselves but who gives us the weapons,

All we want is equality and peace,

All we want is to be accepted,

All we want it to be free in the “Land of the Free”

Admit It, It’s all about the way your penis feels!!

Do you actually like her? Or you like the way she makes your penis feel?Do you actually care about her well being or you only care about if she’s well with you?
Just waste her time and fill her with bogus stories, tell her what she wants to hear and fill her head with fake promises. Treat her like princess but within your heart she’s just another one in a long line women will Serve under him.
Make her feel like she’s the only one, so whenever she does something wrong you play the victim and leave her with a heart filled with guilt and let her apologize. 

After you’ve done this you get a sense you’re now in control and become a manipulative genius. You constantly mislead and make her feel you can’t do anything wrong, now that you have her heart make like she’s not good enough and will never be good for anyone else but you.
Her self-esteem is now low and she’s addicted to your lies and your bullshit and doesn’t realize you’re a no good, lying pathetic loser, but that’s perfectly fine because you’re already on to the next female doing the same exact routine but unfortunately you met your match and she won’t fall your lies and your deceit, your games and manipulative ways. So you take your anger and frustration out of the princess who thinks you’re the best person ever; she’s angry and panicking, thinking what have I done wrong how can I please my ‘prince’, she runs to friends for help and while you run from bed to bed in search of something that is none existent. 
Until one day you end it all. You let her know the truth, you apologize to her but it’s too late because you’ve created another broken woman, another angry woman, you’ve created another stereotypical angry black woman. You’ve helped this Queen loose her crown, but soon she’ll be back while you keep ruining more lives only failing to realize you’re ruining yours. 

You are only making yourself into a damage boy who will never get a basic understanding of an emotional connection, or the joys of having someone who your Soul is tied to. 

I sit here quietly and watch the sun set, thinking of someone that I’ve never met.

I wonder does she think of me too, Its rather strange but I get constant thoughts of her.
I long to hold her and to put her smile on her face, I want to simply take away all her pain, to a better place is where I desire to take her, 

She feels so right, almost to good to be true, She carries herself with so much plight, a sight to behold,  

I just can’t stop thinking of you.

My head toys with me when I say I’m crushing on you because my heart is longing for a girl I’ve not met

I say there is nothing I can do, I cannot help thinking of you

I believe we were made to help heal each other , but wonder if that could possibly be.

I’m tired of being so alone and blue

But I always smile when thinking of you.

I Wonder

Not all who wander are lost.

Yet still, I wonder

where am I headed to, I have no clue?

But I know where I am,
I’m stuck in the moment, fighting to find my way, but yet I’m still so lost,

Lost in my thoughts.

Thoughts which range from “what’s for dinner?” to “why am I here?”
Ranging from shallow minded ignorant young Blackman to Young Woken brother on a mission?

My mind is jumping from leap to leap.
Leaving me confused and wondering, Where am I and where are we going? 

Then I realize, maybe I’m just a wanderer after all. A soul built to go where ever, whenever my heart desires.

Wishing we never met..

Sitting here late at night,

Looking at this burning cigarette, as I think of everything I regret, starring at her face, wishing we never met,

What exactly have I done? Why did I ever get myself involved in the first place ? How did the manage to get this frozen heart to melt?

Now, I’m questioning myself like why didn’t you know better? Or if you’ve known better why didn’t you do better?

At this moment I can’t even trust myself or my own judgement, I can’t even trust my own words. I keep falling in out of trust and trying to rekindle lust in the name of love. I keep trying to burn a fire that was never lit. All this while I kept thinking I was the one who was unfit, I kept thinking maybe I was the one at fault not realizing you were just trying to pass time, you were just trying to heal your last hurt and I happened to be the most ready victim.

Hey, I hope you’re happy now. You’ve torn me into pieces and spit me out like I was worth nothing.

I hope you get what you deserve, I hope life doesn’t hit you as hard .

Lost in the world. 

I don’t think have been this down in a long time, like my meds aren’t working and all I want to do is just stay in bed and cry. Like its so hard coming to work or going around like I’m good but I can’t even do it anymore and all the drinking isn’t helping anymore. I feel so weak and tired. For a second there I thought I was doing much better. I felt a momentum change, my heart was filled with joy but all of a sudden now I’m down again, filled with rage.I’ve punched the wall several times today from anger, my heart is filled with despair. I just want to getaway from everything, I work all time but I don’t see anything from it. I feel like such a waste and an under achiever, I overload myself with work not to think but just get up and work takes so much away from me. I don’t know what is wrong. I’m a walking cry for help, I’m such a lost soul and misguided sheep. I’m so lost and misguided; I’m walking cry for help. I’m such a lost soul. 

To be continued

Happiness at last? So it may seem,

I can see myself smiling all over again,

I can see my heart beating regularly again,

Am I finally finding what I’ve been searching for many years now?

This day might just be a miracle in the making.

 

I woke up feeling rejuvenated,

I woke up with motivation to do everything and anything,

So I hop out of bed, and make breakfast, take a shower and set out for the day.

I can’t deny that even though, I feel very energized something at the back of my head was just waiting for everything to go wrong.

 

I tried so enjoy to hard to enjoy the moment, but my head kept feeling up with various thoughts of torment, unfortunately being sad had become my natural element,

It’s become so natural that whenever I experience something good from other people I question why they’ve given me such treatment.

The Let Down

It’s happening again I find myself breaking down, Drenched in tears and filled with rage and emotion but no one to talk,

I yell to the top of my voice because I don’t know what else to do,

Thoughts going back to old habits fill my brain,

What can I do to cure this pain?

My heart is aching, and my head is pounding, 

Ouch, I punched the feel to cure the rage but now I feel even more physical pain. 
I’m emotionally distraught, I’m mentally drained feeling like my world is derision. I could tell that I’ve fallen short of my expectations and feeling I haven’t done anything or won’t amount much. My confidence is all gone, and I know I’m lost at all odds.
I feel lost, I feel incomplete, 

How can this be, what has become of me? 

I find myself leaning on alcohol for self appreciation, 

No one around me knows because all they see is the show of a happy face I put on, 

When I look in the mirror, I see nothing but a sad soul filled with torment.

I am a season nearing autumn, I am a leaf who’s frayed by the wind,

I have had the worst of luck on life,

I dream of dreams that will never be felt, I am a failure, Constantly messing up.

Probably never going to succeed,      I feel Pointless to try anymore.    I’m over life as it is and find myself in this dark place,

I’ve always been totally incompetent and very miserable,

Time to exit the stage because nothing could be done

Time to quit.