Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you,
Scared of these feelings because it’s still new
I catch myself thinking of the best way to share,
Hoping you’ll return my confession showing you care
And then I catch myself again… and drag my thoughts back to reality
I am back at square one, does this just happen to me?
Poems are so stupid I swear I would never do this
But this is YOU, and you aren’t like anyone I have met
How much longer do I have to write, can I tell you yet?
When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure
But then I sleep… and the dreams of you occur
The dreams I have of you are so vivid and clear,
Dreams of you fighting with me against all odds stacked against me,
Dreams of you working with me to build a better me, honestly I can say
I feel TRUE happiness inside and that there is nothing to fear
People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them
I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear.
Just hear what I am about to say to you, feel it with my body, see it in my face,
Hear it in my words and tone when we converse, lay on my chest and feel my heartbeat to tune of your voice.
Just the way we met alone was rather interesting, she took the first approach and complimented on how unattractive I looked but something was still pulling her to talk to me, and this was on public train. A few minutes after she said this my stop on the train approached and she agrees to get off at that stop so we could chat some more.
The conversations were kickass and may I say she was a beauty, the best part of it all was she understood that I didn’t want anything serious and we agreed to best FWB’s. After this agreement we set up a day for things to finally go down and on like anything else in my life at that moment I was counting down to this.
This faithful Tuesday morning, she called me and said she was on her way with excitement in my voice. I yelled hell yes, 33minutes later she arrived and I was filled with Joy. Once she arrived I let her in and then ran to the bathroom, took a shower and brushed my teeth to make sure I was as fresh as she was. I got out and we got straight to it, a little kissing and biting( Just the way I like it). Finally, I took my towel off while she undressed, I asked to pull her pants and may I say when I did I wish I had never asked because all my excitement was shattered it was like something had pressed through my heart. An undesirable & indescribable odor came from below, it was like several fishes were killed and buried down there, tears rolled down my eyes I tied my towel and went out of the room.
Minutes later I came back in and I think she got the point, with no words exchanged she got dressed, got her bag and left the room.
Nah bro, that thing was crazy stank.
People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.All I wanted was to live a life where I could be me, and be okay with that. I have no need for material possessions, maybe a little of money or even close friends with me on my journey. I don’t understand people very well anyway,and they never seem to understand me very well either. All I want is to write corny poems and crazy stories and the opportunity to create my own world and my own reality of dope shit. I want new beginnings on a daily basis, I want to open roads and be legendary.
It’s been 3 years and man does that shit feel like fucking 3 minutes ago, tears rolling down my eyes as I become an emotional wreck struggling to calm myself down as I’m ready to rage.
After all these years why does this still affect me, after all these years why am I still struggling with the pain. I know you are the best person I ever knew, the best friend that I ever had, you were my life support and honestly without for all these years have been lost. I’ve done everything to deal with the pain but nothing has worked.
From the alcohol, to the pill popping from numerous sexual escapades. It’s all been a waste of my life, running from place to another to find comfort constantly running from everything and anything that reminds me of you. Constantly beating myself up for not teaching the potential for which you know I could be at, feeling like worthless nuisance who’s roaming with no help or guidance.
I lost love and I’ve been filled with nothing hate and dismay over everything and everyone. I lost my way and passion, I lack clear vision and all of this is because you’re gone.
I wish there was a way for you to let me know you’re still here, and that you still care. I wish you were to shine your light upon me once again and show me the way, but until that moment comes I’m going to continue living life with no care, making sure I pretend like I have absolutely no regrets, rant and complain about everything like I didn’t create these problems myself.
Until you come back, I’m going to keep throwing my life away because at the end of the day I’m going to rot in hell, while you’re in heaven doing super dope things with God.
I miss you and I wish you could show me the way again.
Those lips, those lips of yours command attention, But what comes out of them keeps the attention, your ability to linger proper dialogue, Your voice something about it reminds of a lark, but you don’t even sing.
Those hips, those hips are more figured than a cursive 8, She has the power to calculate a mans intentions to divide and multiply by any means of sequence. Because her breasts are filled with the curiosity to make a man think, think thoughts couldn’t be sung.
The only thing missing to this wonderful work of art is his hands wrapped around her and holding her in comfort.
The fiercest and most Feisty of them all, thank God for creating a beauty with such dominance with morals & high intelligent quotient
Pliable enough to put cracks and breakthrough any impalpable heart.
Oh double standards, how lovely are you? I think just by title of this article you kind of get where I’m going with this. Any lock that can be unlocked by different keys is a bad lock right? But any Key that can unlock any lock is a master Key right? Now to you men that have this mentality imagine this was your fathers thought process when going into your mother. And to the women who are great locks and judge the bad locks like they’re any different or better.
Any man that can have sex with multiple women is hailed as a hero, he’s seen as the man but if a woman decides to do the same she’s labeled as a slut amongst many other things she’s called but you pathetic men that call them these names know you love them because that’s what you want. You want that woman you can call anytime and the sex will be accessible but yet you’re quick to call her every name in the book but you think you’re the cool guy because you can do that. I want every guy just like myself to think to ourselves; what makes it different that women can’t decide to have Casual sex if they want to? Like why would you as a ‘man’ choose to label or disrespect a woman based on her sexual decisions, honestly bro that makes you a coward man. If you don’t want her because she’s been with too many men then leave her the fuck alone and go find your Virgin Mary mother of Jesus or if you think she’s a slut because she hangs around too many then go find a Nun and try marrying because she’s been with women most of her life.
I want every man that calls women names just for doing the same things they do to imagine if someone called their daughters or mothers or sisters those names and how would they feel? Or imagine yourself being that woman for a second being called all those things, well I know some men still don’t care which is perfectly fine with me but next time you decide to call a Woman a slut for choosing to have sec with multiple partners just remember you’re a bigger slut and a lowlife.
Also, I want to place emphasis on the fact that no matter how old a woman is, or how she lives her life, or what she does for a living and also what she chooses to wear; she should still be respected because honestly if it wasn’t for women both the “sluts”(who make life more fun) and the “innocent” or “angelic” women our world would be shredded into pieces.
My point is no man has the power to slut shame a woman and no woman has the right to put the other down just because they choose to live their life differently. If you don’t have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck and keep your words to yourself.
It’s 2am and I’m excited about visiting NYC again, even though it’s been only a month since I left but there’s an even bigger thought of what have I learnt since moving and has anything good come out me moving so far, and the answer is Yes. For the first time this year I could actually say I’m building a savings account and for the first time in 2 years I could finally say I live in a home. Now this statement doesn’t mean I’ve been homeless for two years which at some point in 2013 I was but it was more about the fact that wherever I laid my head in the past two years didn’t feel like but since I’ve been here in Raleigh, the joys of living with family has given me a “homely” feeling; which I dearly appreciate.
Now over the past month even with the joy of being around family, everyday has been a constant struggle because I feel very much out of place. The way people here think is different, the lifestyle here is different and it could be both a positive and a negative but I’ve come to the realization that I prefer the fast pace hustle and bustle craziness that NYC has to offer, like I love it so much I started to look for jobs in NYC again but I had to talk to myself and do some thinking and have come to realize that I am here for a purpose. I am here to better myself. I am here to spend some much needed time with family, I am here to find financial stability, I am here to find peace, I am here to find sanity and most of all I am here to find happiness and happiness does not come in one day, or one week or one month there’s no time limit to finding happiness so I will take my time and make the best out of this opportunity and create my own happiness and create my own financial stability and create my own Brand and also begin my search to a life time of gratification.
As I stared at her, I saw beautiful brown eyes that could heal the world,
As I stared at her, I saw a skin so pure it could absorb every sun ray,
As I stared at her, I saw hair so magical it defies every law of gravity,
May I Say Black Women are Enchanting & Alluring..
I’ll be back.
I started boxing up what should be the last set of things that I was going to pack up and then I came across my old cell phone and I charged it up. When I started reading through my old messages I saw some conversations with my mom in which I told her I was going to turn NY into my gold mine, that was about 3 years ago on my 20th birthday and 3 years later as my 23rd birthday approaches, i’ll be leaving NYC to go start all over in North Carolina. Words can’t describe how disappointed I am in myself that I couldn’t achieve at least 60% of the goals I set for myself here and as I write this tears role down my eyes because I feel like my time here was wasted, but instead of beating myself up and being sad, I am going to see moving as a chance to go away get some new ideas and come back super charged and refreshed