Thank You For Nothing

I have tried overcoming the heartache you brought on me,

I have tried to get my confidence back and also rebuild my self-esteem,

I’ve always seen my person as a great person but after meeting you and dealing with you I question if I am good enough,

I never understood why you were so terrible towards me or why nothing I did was ever good enough or why you would constantly complain about my actions.

Unlike most stories, this started in the worst of ways, you were for someone else, and somehow I was cool with being the guy on the side, eventually I fought to win you over and in a way I guess you magically became mine and it worked out to our favor and It all started as a fairytale.

I never for once thought you’d to me what you did to him, but isn’t Karma a bitch ; isn’t that how life works.

You fuck people over and get fucked over, but none of this occurred to me because I was in awe of your perfection,

You were everything I was looking for,

The perfect young lady to come in and ruin my life, but you walked right in and did just that.

You appeared to be the best thing that ever happened to me at first but slowly the true you was unveiled but I still ignored all of those signals, I’m sorry became just another word to ease our conversations and the ingenuity of you saying I love you was never to be questioned.

I think about the guy who just seemed to be randomly hanging on his couch but you apparently just saying hi at his place, but stupidly this was another signal I ignored.

I let us continue even after all the wrong, I let go of everyone else and in you, I put my all, I found myself making changes to suit you; just so you could be happy. I found myself doing everything just to make you mine but to no avail nothing I did was good enough for you and you could never appreciate anything I did.

I love how when you wanted to end this, you just started ignoring me and never was mature enough to give me a reason, but I thank you for that because now I know I deserve better than a cheat, and a liar . This guy is also glad you realized you wasted your time.

Due to our situation I’ve changed into someone, I am not,
I was always so warm but now I have become colder than ever, I was never an angry person but now with the mention of your name or just when I see you I am filled with rage .

I am so far from who I once was.
I am now weak and no longer bold,
I am angry, I am tired. I am a very emotionally exhausted.

You’ve played enough mind games
To make me feel no good. You played mind games just so you could have your way

Everyone saw a smile, But no one knew what was truly behind, you good at covering how deceitful and how much of a liar you are.
Pain, heartache, and despair is all now felt .

Maybe one day I’ll be able to escape, I hope I move on and find someone greater,

I hope I can start over somewhere new,

But I’ll never forget the impact you had on me.

Now because of you, I’ll forever believe love is chimerical .

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To be continued

Happiness at last? So it may seem,

I can see myself smiling all over again,

I can see my heart beating regularly again,

Am I finally finding what I’ve been searching for many years now?

This day might just be a miracle in the making.

 

I woke up feeling rejuvenated,

I woke up with motivation to do everything and anything,

So I hop out of bed, and make breakfast, take a shower and set out for the day.

I can’t deny that even though, I feel very energized something at the back of my head was just waiting for everything to go wrong.

 

I tried so enjoy to hard to enjoy the moment, but my head kept feeling up with various thoughts of torment, unfortunately being sad had become my natural element,

It’s become so natural that whenever I experience something good from other people I question why they’ve given me such treatment.

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way

We are always so obsessed with everything going so nice and smoothly and things going perfectly, but we should have learned, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Not every move you make can be calculated, sometimes it’s all about taking risks especially with dating.

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way

 

You can’t lie to yourself

Can no one see this smile I’m faking,
See how, inside, I’m constantly shaking?
These people all claim they know me well,
Yet no one can see through my crumbling shell?
“I’m fine”, I whisper, my sadness unknown,
They leave me to deal with this anguish alone.
I’ve hidden behind this wall most of my life,
I’ve managed so far, I’ve dealt with my strife.
Watching as, slowly, my blood leaks away,
It helps to keep life’s true horrors at bay.
I pull down my sleeve to cover my hurt,
For approaching footsteps, I’m on the alert.
I guess my pretense is just all too real,
No one has to know of the pain that I feel.
The real me inside, where no one can see,
I can fool everyone else, why can’t I fool me?

All I can say is I tried, I tried and I tried..

All I can say is I tried.

My best, my hardest.
I tried to love you and now get over you.
It won’t fade, I can’t seem to let go
Let go of the past I regret it.

I let you down I pushed you out.
My deepest thoughts were consumed with doubt.
Fear of a let down or something real
I didn’t know just what to feel.

When the confusion was lifted and I reached for you
there was nothing left just a stunning view
Moments and moments passed but next thing I know
I went from first to last

You say I’m just a friend
I can’t even begin to pretend
I’m OK with a chat or you stealing my hat
but i’m lying here lifeless face down on the mat

A knockout blow
I’ve never been so low
You used to be my everything but now you’re just another “thot”
I remember when I used to say princess you’re all I got

I tried to make you see
how much you mean to me
you stood there stone cold
and it has really gotten old

You know i see right through you
and what you think is best for you
but one again the future repeats the past
will this stubbornness really last

All I can say is I tried, I tried and I tried..

Do we really need education? Part 1

On my way home on the subway, I heard a couple of teens (probably between the ages 13-15) talking about how much they hated their teachers and how much they disliked school and its beginning to make them dislike their parents for sending them to school everyday. What I got from listening on these kids conversation was that they just wanted an easy way out and that one of them just wanted to watch TV all and the others wanted to be famous, it is sad to say but I feel like this is how manjority of kids in this generation.

One thing I have learnt about life and hardwork within the short time i’ve been on this earth is that “It’s a question of attitude. If you really work at something you can do it up to a point. If you really work at being happy you can do it up to a point. But anything more than that you can’t. Anything more than that is luck” . Now after saying this, I can relate to those kids because I had dropped out of college at some point and I also never wanted to go back but I saw my chances without an education are minimal so I went back to school and what I got from my time there was that education sucks and the government is controlled and it is all a sham, but there’s a reason. There’s a reason.

There’s a reason for this, there’s a reason education sucks, and it’s the same reason that it will never, ever, ever be fixed. It’s never gonna get any better. Don’t look for it. Be happy with what you got. Because the owners of this country don’t want that. I’m talking about the real owners now, the real owners, the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the senate, the congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I’ll tell you what they don’t want: They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. Thats against their interests. Thats right. They don’t want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table to figure out how badly they’re getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago.

 

I will let positive thoughts make my day complete

Recently, I’ve been extremely unhappy and doubting myself alot. I have been filled with nothing but negative thoughts and terrible energy and it seems like the same things keep hapepening over and over again. Now, most times when things get this way, I just runaway from everything and everyone but this time around I’ve decided to face my problems and try in several ways to over come them rather than running from them.

These few words below, are the words I say to myself whenever I need change. I hope in them you can find comfort;

In the book of life

I have turned a new page

I am beginning a new chapter

Free of guilt and rage

Part two of my book

Will be refreshingly new

I will let positive thoughts make my day complete

I have decided that I won’t give up, once and for all

Even in tough times, I will stand tall

I’ll keep pushing even if I am tired

I won’t stop until I get what I desire

I’ll keep trying even if I am out of breath,

Nothing will scare me, not even death.

Because of you, my trust has been smashed

I wish I never saw you on that fateful day

When you were looking so beautiful and stunning

Then my heart would have never gone astray

For you, desperately waiting and yearning

I wish the Gods had told me from the heavens above

That from you, I should stay away

With you, I wish I had never fallen in love

Then I would have never seen this day

Because of you, my heart is slashed

Because of you, my feelings are trashed

Because of you, my conscious is bashed

Because of you, my emotions are gashed

Because of you, my hopes and dreams are dashed

Because of you, my trust has been smashed

I hate you

Hey Old Man

I wish you understood my struggles and my pain, I wish you could feel my heartache and my weeping soul,

why won’t you listen to me?
Please hear my silent plea,
you so often ignore me.
Why can’t you see my pain?
Just once, I wish you’d say;
I love you, simply because you are you.Why can’t you admire my compassion? My soul?
That you don’t even know, yet cries out for recognition.
Why have you never heard my plea? A plea to understand who I am.
Grew up believing,
everything you did was right. I tried so hard to please you.
Yet I always fell somehow short of your expectations.
Why did I fail to win your love? Why have you never heard me cry?
Why have you never listened to me? You have heard my words,
but you never understood what I was trying to say.
Saddest part was you never even attempted to,
You tore me apart and made me feel like I wasn’t your kid,
You Made my life miserable whenever I did something that against your will.

Where Is My Sunshine?

I will never again
see your smiling face.
I will never again
feel your warm embrace.

I cry everyday
Wishing you’d come back.
Life just isn’t the same
With the Mother I lack.

“I miss you mom,
Where have you gone?”
My days alone,
Just seem to long

I Scream and yell in anger
Wondering why you’re not here
I scream and yell in Sadness
Wishing you were near..

Somedays I feel
I can’t handle the Pain
Somedays I cry knowing
That I’ll never see your face again.

I looked up to the sky
and screamed ””Why Lord! Why!”
and as I fell to the ground
all I could do is cry..

Maybe God put you there
for a reason.
Maybe so I can see you
In every Season

Maybe Life Isn’t so bad
with you gone.
Maybe you’ve been
With Me all Along

I miss you mom,
Where have you gone?
My days alone, are still to long..