Happy Mother’s Day 

Not a day goes by without a thought of you.Most of the time they are happy thoughts,

Thoughts of how great things were, 

Thoughts of how I was once a happy child with a bright future,

Eventually all those joyous thoughts go away, and I fade into darkness,

You really are gone, you’re not here anymore,

I feel so alone, whenever this thought hits me,

My bestfriend is gone, so now I drown in my thoughts,

Slowly trying to move on without you mother,
Every moment I wish you were here,

Your love was selfless, your heart was warming no matter what.

You made me feel like I belong ,

You made me feel like I could do anything,

You were my source of my motivation and all that is now dust,

Do I still matter?, Will I ever be something?
I can’t help but wonder if you’re still around,

Do you see me breakdown and cry?

Do you hear my prayers?

Do you see me quiver in fear of me not amounting to anything? 

Are you proud of me?

Why won’t you answer my calls for you? 
I want you to show me sign that you’re here,

I’ve been waiting for an answer, but even though I get no reply I’ll keep trying.
I saw you in my dream the other day, but you never altered a word,

Is that the sign I needed all along that you’re still around, but I may never know I’ve realized.
The rest of the world celebrate mothers and spend time with theirs, I’m left dealing with tears all I can do is think of the memories we had, 

I’m happy glad we created those memories, you were more than a mother to me and I’m happy you birth me. 

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Overly Exaggerated Thoughts | RIP Ma

It’s been 3 years and man does that shit feel like fucking 3 minutes ago, tears rolling down my eyes as I become an emotional wreck struggling to calm myself down as I’m ready to rage.

After all these years why does this still affect me, after all these years why am I still struggling with the pain. I know you are the best person I ever knew, the best friend that I ever had, you were my life support and honestly without for all these years have been lost. I’ve done everything to deal with the pain but nothing has worked.

From the alcohol, to the pill popping from numerous sexual escapades. It’s all been a waste of my life, running from place to another to find comfort constantly running from everything and anything that reminds me of you.  Constantly beating myself up for not teaching the potential for which you know I could be at, feeling like worthless nuisance who’s roaming with no help or guidance.

I lost love and I’ve been filled with nothing hate and dismay over everything and everyone. I lost my way and passion, I lack clear vision and all of this is because you’re gone.

I wish there was a way for you to let me know you’re still here, and that you still care. I wish you were to shine your light upon me once again and show me the way, but until that moment comes I’m going to continue living life with no care, making sure I pretend like I have absolutely no regrets, rant and complain about everything like I didn’t create these problems myself.

Until you come back, I’m going to keep throwing my life away because at the end of the day I’m going to rot in hell, while you’re in heaven doing super dope things with God.

I miss you and I wish you could show me the way again.

 

Women are strong

God bless the women who raised me, because I must have been a load of work to deal with and to all my ex’s and every woman I’ve ever been involved ya’ll are hella special. Let me start by saying, I don’t understand why women don’t get more recognition in our society but even though society doesn’t I will. Now I’m here to talk about how beautiful the woman body is but I want to talk about how beautiful the soul of woman is. Women are so special and so strong, its crazy how over time Women (especially women of color) I’ve managed to stay strong no matter what has come their way, you see as a man you really don’t endure have to do alot to show how strong you are but for women its very different at least that’s what ive noticed. So I want to say to every woman out there; especially to my Women of color that you are strong, that you are beautiful and that you are loved . Now, it’s not that I need to be telling you this because you already know that but this is a just a reminder.

I’ve been meeting way too many women with self esteem issues or suffering from lack of self love, or lack of acceptance. I just wanted to say to every woman out there ya’ll are strong as hell. Through your flaws and all you are loved and cherished, From the single mothers to woman, who’s been abused, to the woman who’s overweight, and those who are dealing with whatever. Women are strong as hell, Men are probably seen has the superiors but I’m sure any real man will if a woman wasn’t holding him down he won’t be anymore. From the mothers, to the sisters, wives, girlfriends, babymother’s and side chicks. #womenarestrongashell #womendeservemorerespect #iwasraisedby4women #womensmonthiseverymonth.

2 Years Already, But It Feels Like Yesterday

I’m overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts of giving up, my heart can’t handle the pain and my head is slowly exploding. It’s been exactly 2 years today but now it feels a lot worse than it did the 1st year, is it because I’m lonelier and misguided than ever. I miss you Kehinde Ojoye words can’t describe, as I write these few words tears role down my eyes. Your love can never be replaced and no one can ever take your place, Oh!! How much I miss you, the alcohol and drugs can’t seem to numb the pain anymore and I can’t walking around and faking a smile.

I want to be happy without you, I want you to be proud of me. I want to know you’re watching over me and you’re with me so please give me a sign, I see you in my dreams and It gives me joy for a while but I still miss you and I’ll forever love you.

Dear Mum,

I awake each morning to start a new day
But the pain of loosing you never goes away.
I go about the things I have to do
And as the hours pass I think again of you.
I want to call you and just hear your voice
Then I remember that I have no choice
For you are not there and now my heart cries
Just to see you again to tell you goodbye
To say Mama I love you and I always will
And hope that much of you, in me you’ve instilled.
The day that you left I just didn’t know
That you were going where I couldn’t go.
And now all my memories of you are so dear
But gosh, how I miss you and wish you were here.
Who now can hear me when I need to cry?
It so hard to tell you “Mama goodbye.”
Someday I know all will be well
And I’ll see you again with stories to tell
Of how you were missed and how we have grown
And how good it is to finally be home.
Until then my memories of you I’ll keep near
And I’ll pass them on to those who are dear.
I miss you Mama, 

Love, Yemi