Thank You For Nothing

I have tried overcoming the heartache you brought on me,

I have tried to get my confidence back and also rebuild my self-esteem,

I’ve always seen my person as a great person but after meeting you and dealing with you I question if I am good enough,

I never understood why you were so terrible towards me or why nothing I did was ever good enough or why you would constantly complain about my actions.

Unlike most stories, this started in the worst of ways, you were for someone else, and somehow I was cool with being the guy on the side, eventually I fought to win you over and in a way I guess you magically became mine and it worked out to our favor and It all started as a fairytale.

I never for once thought you’d to me what you did to him, but isn’t Karma a bitch ; isn’t that how life works.

You fuck people over and get fucked over, but none of this occurred to me because I was in awe of your perfection,

You were everything I was looking for,

The perfect young lady to come in and ruin my life, but you walked right in and did just that.

You appeared to be the best thing that ever happened to me at first but slowly the true you was unveiled but I still ignored all of those signals, I’m sorry became just another word to ease our conversations and the ingenuity of you saying I love you was never to be questioned.

I think about the guy who just seemed to be randomly hanging on his couch but you apparently just saying hi at his place, but stupidly this was another signal I ignored.

I let us continue even after all the wrong, I let go of everyone else and in you, I put my all, I found myself making changes to suit you; just so you could be happy. I found myself doing everything just to make you mine but to no avail nothing I did was good enough for you and you could never appreciate anything I did.

I love how when you wanted to end this, you just started ignoring me and never was mature enough to give me a reason, but I thank you for that because now I know I deserve better than a cheat, and a liar . This guy is also glad you realized you wasted your time.

Due to our situation I’ve changed into someone, I am not,
I was always so warm but now I have become colder than ever, I was never an angry person but now with the mention of your name or just when I see you I am filled with rage .

I am so far from who I once was.
I am now weak and no longer bold,
I am angry, I am tired. I am a very emotionally exhausted.

You’ve played enough mind games
To make me feel no good. You played mind games just so you could have your way

Everyone saw a smile, But no one knew what was truly behind, you good at covering how deceitful and how much of a liar you are.
Pain, heartache, and despair is all now felt .

Maybe one day I’ll be able to escape, I hope I move on and find someone greater,

I hope I can start over somewhere new,

But I’ll never forget the impact you had on me.

Now because of you, I’ll forever believe love is chimerical .

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To be continued

Happiness at last? So it may seem,

I can see myself smiling all over again,

I can see my heart beating regularly again,

Am I finally finding what I’ve been searching for many years now?

This day might just be a miracle in the making.

 

I woke up feeling rejuvenated,

I woke up with motivation to do everything and anything,

So I hop out of bed, and make breakfast, take a shower and set out for the day.

I can’t deny that even though, I feel very energized something at the back of my head was just waiting for everything to go wrong.

 

I tried so enjoy to hard to enjoy the moment, but my head kept feeling up with various thoughts of torment, unfortunately being sad had become my natural element,

It’s become so natural that whenever I experience something good from other people I question why they’ve given me such treatment.

Poems are stupid, Not!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you,
Scared of these feelings because it’s still new
I catch myself thinking of the best way to share,
Hoping you’ll return my confession showing you care
And then I catch myself again… and drag my thoughts back to reality
I am back at square one, does this just happen to me?

Poems are so stupid I swear I would never do this
But this is YOU, and you aren’t like anyone I have met
How much longer do I have to write, can I tell you yet?
When I come back from my thoughts I feel more secure
But then I sleep… and the dreams of you occur

The dreams I have of you are so vivid and clear,
Dreams of you fighting with me against all odds stacked against me,
Dreams of you working with me to build a better me, honestly I can say
I feel TRUE happiness inside and that there is nothing to fear
People say dreams have underlying meanings and not to ignore them
I say we both know what they mean and now I want you to hear.

Just hear what I am about to say to you, feel it with my body, see it in my face,
Hear it in my words and tone when we converse, lay on my chest and feel my heartbeat to tune of your voice.

NpZ Fotos

So I decided to take up photography as a hobby, so here are some of my favorite shots pf some of my favorite people and random things and people.

IMG_0009

Overly Exaggerated Thoughts | RIP Ma

It’s been 3 years and man does that shit feel like fucking 3 minutes ago, tears rolling down my eyes as I become an emotional wreck struggling to calm myself down as I’m ready to rage.

After all these years why does this still affect me, after all these years why am I still struggling with the pain. I know you are the best person I ever knew, the best friend that I ever had, you were my life support and honestly without for all these years have been lost. I’ve done everything to deal with the pain but nothing has worked.

From the alcohol, to the pill popping from numerous sexual escapades. It’s all been a waste of my life, running from place to another to find comfort constantly running from everything and anything that reminds me of you.  Constantly beating myself up for not teaching the potential for which you know I could be at, feeling like worthless nuisance who’s roaming with no help or guidance.

I lost love and I’ve been filled with nothing hate and dismay over everything and everyone. I lost my way and passion, I lack clear vision and all of this is because you’re gone.

I wish there was a way for you to let me know you’re still here, and that you still care. I wish you were to shine your light upon me once again and show me the way, but until that moment comes I’m going to continue living life with no care, making sure I pretend like I have absolutely no regrets, rant and complain about everything like I didn’t create these problems myself.

Until you come back, I’m going to keep throwing my life away because at the end of the day I’m going to rot in hell, while you’re in heaven doing super dope things with God.

I miss you and I wish you could show me the way again.

 

She’s A Slut, He’s The Man

Oh double standards, how lovely are you? I think just by title of this article you kind of get where I’m going with this. Any lock that can be unlocked by different keys is a bad lock right? But any Key that can unlock any lock is a master Key right? Now to you men that have this mentality imagine this was your fathers thought process when going into your mother. And to the women who are great locks and judge the bad locks like they’re any different or better.
Any man that can have sex with multiple women is hailed as a hero, he’s seen as the man but if a woman decides to do the same she’s labeled as a slut amongst many other things she’s called but you pathetic men that call them these names know you love them because that’s what you want. You want that woman you can call anytime and the sex will be accessible but yet you’re quick to call her every name in the book but you think you’re the cool guy because you can do that. I want every guy just like myself to think to ourselves; what makes it different that women can’t decide to have Casual sex if they want to? Like why would you as a ‘man’ choose to label or disrespect a woman based on her sexual decisions, honestly bro that makes you a coward man. If you don’t want her because she’s been with too many men then leave her the fuck alone and go find your Virgin Mary mother of Jesus or if you think she’s a slut because she hangs around too many then go find a Nun and try marrying because she’s been with women most of her life.

I want every man that calls women names just for doing the same things they do to imagine if someone called their daughters or mothers or sisters those names and how would they feel? Or imagine yourself being that woman for a second being called all those things, well I know some men still don’t care which is perfectly fine with me but next time you decide to call a Woman a slut for choosing to have sec with multiple partners just remember you’re a bigger slut and a lowlife.

Also, I want to place emphasis on the fact that no matter how old a woman is, or how she lives her life, or what she does for a living and also what she chooses to wear; she should still be respected because honestly if it wasn’t for women both the “sluts”(who make life more fun) and the “innocent” or “angelic” women our world would be shredded into pieces.

My point is no man has the power to slut shame a woman and no woman has the right to put the other down just because they choose to live their life differently. If you don’t have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck and keep your words to yourself.

It was 2am.

It’s 2am and I’m excited about visiting NYC again, even though it’s been only a month since I left but there’s an even bigger thought of what have I learnt since moving and has anything good come out me moving so far, and the answer is Yes. For the first time this year I could actually say I’m building a savings account and for the first time in 2 years I could finally say I live in a home. Now this statement doesn’t mean I’ve been homeless for two years which at some point in 2013 I was but it was more about the fact that wherever I laid my head in the past two years didn’t feel like but since I’ve been here in Raleigh, the joys of living with family has given me a “homely” feeling; which I dearly appreciate.

Now over the past month even with the joy of being around family, everyday has been a constant struggle because I feel very much out of place. The way people here think is different, the lifestyle here is different and it could be both a positive and a negative but I’ve come to the realization that I prefer the fast pace hustle and bustle craziness that NYC has to offer, like I love it so much I started to look for jobs in NYC again but I had to talk to myself and do some thinking and have come to realize that I am here for a purpose. I am here to better myself. I am here to spend some much needed time with family, I am here to find financial stability, I am here to find peace, I am here to find sanity and most of all I am here to find happiness and happiness does not come in one day, or one week or one month there’s no time limit to finding happiness so I will take my time and make the best out of this opportunity and create my own happiness and create my own financial stability and create my own Brand and also begin my search to a life time of gratification.

Yemi Osibogun

I miss NewYork

I’ll be back.
I started boxing up what should be the last set of things that I was going to pack up and then I came across my old cell phone and I charged it up. When I started reading through my old messages I saw some conversations with my mom in which I told her I was going to turn NY into my gold mine, that was about 3 years ago on my 20th birthday and 3 years later as my 23rd birthday approaches, i’ll be leaving NYC to go start all over in North Carolina. Words can’t describe how disappointed I am in myself that I couldn’t achieve at least 60% of the goals I set for myself here and as I write this tears role down my eyes because I feel like my time here was wasted, but instead of beating myself up and being sad, I am going to see moving as a chance to go away get some new ideas and come back super charged and refreshed

Dedicated To Her

My Dear Queen,

I started writing this at 4:28 and you should know why, I’m supposed to also be sleeping but your presence is all I can think about.

I know everything you might read here you’ve probably heard before but I just had to put my thoughts into words, you know I’m a better writer than speaker even though I talk alot.

I hope these few words can do justice on how I feel about you, but I don’t think they’d be enough. You came out of nowhere, at a moment I had lost all hope, you came at a moment when I felt like I was meant to be miserable all by myself and lost in my own thoughts but you came and turned all of that around. You came in and showed me that I could have a partner in crime, you came and showed me I didn’t have to be miserable and you came into my life and became my lighthouse.

With you, I have learnt that I could be myself and not have to bend my back with compromise because your approach to everything makes us find a common ground always. You’ve accepted my flaws and weirdness, I’ve accepted yours and its become a Beautiful Imperfection. In you I have it all; a best friend, a lover, and a shoulder to lean on. I never thought I’d be here this time a month ago but here I am.

Now, I hope that I can make you be yourself without any questions. I hope that I can make you understand that no matter what you feel, I will be there for you and that your feelings are always validated and that you are never ignored.  I never thought you’d want or any part of me, I remember you had to force to go on a date with me and now look at where we are. I hope that at the end of everything I make this worth your while.

Man, I’m hella happy and you make life so easy to live. So lets bask in this moment and I hope it would forever go on.

Give Good Advice but Can’t Follow It Syndrome

I can’t be the only person who has this problem but one thing I know for sure is mine must be alot worse than others. I’m talking about the “Give Good Advice but Can’t Follow It Syndrome”. Like for example, I remember telling a friend “If you’re not being satisfied emotionally, sexually or intellectually, it’s probably time to move on. Ending a relationship is hard, but it’s sometimes the only correct thing to do. If you and your partner aren’t connecting on the most fundamental levels, it will be best for both of you to move on” but in previous relationships have had a very hard time doing this. You know its very easy to tell people to do this and that but when you put into perspective, its a lot harder for you to do the same thing probably because you don’t want to be in the same situation as that individual or probably because its extremely hard to put words into actions.

My problem with this is the fact that a lot of the advice I dish out what I believe is really good advice so why is it that I can’t follow them? It somewhat scares me because most of the time I find myself taking risk and making ridiculous mistakes which could have been avoided if only I heed my own advice. Another thing is that since I give out so much advice and see the mistakes my friends or people who come to ask me for this advice make, why is that I don’t take that has a warning sign or a sign not to run into the same trouble.

I wish I knew better is what I always end up saying but the truth is, I do know better and I could do better so why aren’t I? ……………………………………………………………To Be Continues\d