Today makes it exactly 2 years that I’ve been anti-depressants, Man it hasn’t been easy because the side effects have been crazy but I’m elated that I started taking them but sadly I’m not right without them. I remember slashing myself with a blade about 3 years ago because I was so tired and wanted to end it all. I’m happy I met some amazing people who pushed to go get help and I must say ever since I started making my meds I’ve been feeling much better but mentally that process has been very difficult. There have been days I cried for about 6 hours and some days I’m so happy and filled with joy you’d think I was high. I remember telling some of my ‘friends &a family ‘that I was depressed and they’d try to convince me that it was all in my head, I almost believed but thanks to this lovely lady named Liz Sawyer, I forced myself to get help and boy I’m happy I did. I’m not close to where I want to be but I can say compared to this date 2 years ago I am much better, I am glad to be where I am right now and I can only hope I continue to make forward progress, it’s still a long ass road but I’m happy with where I am and extremely excited for what is ahead.
My bones feel weakened, my body whimpers and mind lacks fluidity & sanity,My head is throbbing, it’s pounding, I feel like the world is stomping on me.
I’m freely falling no matter how hard I try to stay up, I am fatigued from helplessness.
I am tired of always trying, and never feeling I’ve done enough or I’m never good enough for anyone or myself especially.
I wish peoples ignorance wouldn’t affect my state of mind, but with a great deal of sadness it takes an heavy toll on me,
I’m strained from hearing lies, from those I admire and those I desire, it hurts to be let down by those who you thought were in your life to inspire you to be your best self.
I am drained the mental abuse I have consistently endured,
I am enervated from constant crying, Sadness has become my natural state
I am just so exhausted
I feel like dying.